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              <text>Will I Recover? by Michelle D. Cruz
October 6, 2001

September 11, 2001
Taking the elevator to the 95th Floor of Two World Trade Center is something that had become a mindless, involuntary action for all of us who worked there. Our offices at Fiduciary Trust had consisted of the 90th to 97th Floors, with a few unoccupied floors in between. I had been working at Fiduciary for over two years,and it had become a second home to me.

The Call
8:40 a.m. I arrived at my desk when I noticed that no one else in my group was there. It was still early, and relaxing a bit before theday began was what I would normally do on any ordinary workday. Yet, what I thought was the beginning of any other ordinary workday became much more. It began as the most terrifying day of my life.

Panic
8:43 a.m. I received a call from a friend of mine and I had told him I had come into work early to finish a project I was working on the night before. When asked how the remainder of my day looked, I replied, Im going to have a really busy day ahead of me, so Id better start it. Almost immediately after I hung up the phone, there was an unforgettable sound - the roar of an airplane engine.

Its ironic that despite how high up we were, we hardly noticed any aircrafts overhead. Yet today, we heard this one. The next sound we heard was what sounded like an earthquake, then a bomb. A woman on the Northeast side of our floor screamed, and as I quickly arose from my chair to see what the commotion was, our windows shattered. What was that?! I screamed. Someone yelled, I think a plane just hit Tower 1! Everybody get out of the building! I grabbed everything I brought in with me that morning (my purse and briefcase), and ran towards the nearest exit, which was approximately 10 feet from my desk.

I was running for my life, not knowing what would happen next, when I saw my co-worker Lori running out as well.We headed for the elevator, then I stopped.I asked her, Shouldnt we be taking the stairs in an emergency like this? and she replied,No! Just get in the elevator! Cmon! We dashed into the elevator and held the door as our co-worker Andrew ran in. All three of us looked at one another in disbelief. An eerie feeling stirred throughout my body. For a moment, I thought I was dead; as if our Tower, 2, had been hit. Then the elevator stopped. The doors opened to the 90th Floor.

Occupying the 90th floor were the Legal and Human Resources departments. The elevator door opened, and all that was heard were the screams of panicked employees. Lori and I pleaded with them to come into the elevator, but no one did. The door then closed. Why didnt they go? This question haunts me every day, due to the fact that many of the people on the 90th Floor who were there that day are missing.

We landed on the 78th Floor, which was one of the main elevator banks at Tower 2. Lori and I ran to the nearest elevator we could find, and shoved our way in. A woman in front of us said, Thats it! No more people! I looked behind me, and there were two men - scrambling to get on another elevator.

When the elevator stopped at the ground floor, I looked to my left. Liberty Street, which is the main entrance used by many Trade Center employees, was in ruins. Debris from the Tower and office papers engulfed the sidewalk. I watched as security guards led people away from the street outside, when I took my cell phone from my purse and called my manager, Joanie.

Still not really knowing what happened, I said, Joanie! I think there was an explosion in the World Trade Center! She asked me to hold as she turned on the television. Oh my God! A plane just hit the Trade Center! For whatever reason, I asked her if I should go back upstairs. Joanie relentlessly said, No! You go home and call me as soon as you can. When I ended the call, I heard someone on the PA system say that there were no problems with Tower 2 and workers should go back to their desks. I decided to walk
out. I saw a few co-workers in the lobby, including my former manager, Chris, who inquired if I was ok. Andrew, who just recently underwent knee surgery, became my rock.

The Journey
9:03 a.m. As Andrew and I calmly proceeded to walk from the building, the roar of another airplane engine hovered overhead. We watched in horror as one more plane dove into the upper floors of Tower 2. While everyone ran frantically to search for a safe location, a stampede of people ran towards me and knocked me into a steel barricade. Andrew quickly lifted me up when in the distance was the alarming image of people jumping from windows to their deaths. I quickly grabbed Andrew and asked, Where do we go? He calmly replied, The South Street Seaport. Its the only place thats safe for now.

10:03 a.m. We walked to Pier 17 at the South Street Seaport, where many took refuge. Almost all cell phone service was down, yet I remembered I had the ability to send and receive e-mail messages on my Palm Pilot. Shaking uncontrollably, I e-mailed my friend Joe to tell him I was fine and asked that he call my family to let them know I was ok.Andrew went to a payphone nearby to call his family, when a third rumble came. Tower 2 looked as if it was about to topple on us; onlookers by the masses ran in terror towards the edge of the pier, prepared to leap into the water below. Were trapped, I said to myself. This is it. The Tower fortunately collapsed onto itself, which instantly gave me the initiative to begin my journey home.

We decided to start walking up the FDR Highway, which was the were filled with people, mostly distraught and covered in soot, making their way uptown. Andrew turned to me and said, Tower 2 is going to collapse. I believe that in the shock of what I and so many other people just witnessed, I numbly shook my head. We had barely made it past the Seaport when Tower 1inevitably collapsed.

12:30 p.m. After two and a half hours of walking and trying to get cell phone service, we wound up on 35th Street and 3rd Avenue, in Midtown. Andrew noticed a cab driver who had pulled up along the curb in front of us and agreed to drive me home - at no charge. I said a somewhat emotional goodbye to Andrew, who in this traumatic time had truly been there for me. I was elated to know that he would be able to take the ferry home to New Jersey. To Andrew, God Bless You. Youre an angel.

3:10 p.m. We finally arrived in my neighborhood and made one last desperate attempt to call into my voicemail. There were 13 messages left from family and friends. It was the first time that day when I broke down and cried. I had survived a terrorist attack. Im alive.

The Recovery
Although I have yet to receive counseling for the circumstances surrounding the attack, Ive learned that expression through words has become my strongest outlet to recovery. Ive taken into deep consideration all my friends and colleagues desperately trying to reach me during that incredibly trying day of September 11th. Every conversation has ended with a sincere I love you, or I miss you, and the emotional support has been phenomenal. To my family and friends, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all, and God Bless You. I Will Recover.

Contact:
Michelle D. Cruz-Rosado, (646) 290-8795
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              <text>When the news hit Australia it was late in the evening. I was at my sister's and we were both sound asleep. Her husband came home from work and woke her up. She came in my room and told me that there had been a plane crash in the US but at this time there was no talk of terrorist attacks. I drifted back to sleep thinking plane crash...poor people...pray for the famililies. My sister left the TV on overnight so that it would be the first thing I saw in the morning and I couldn't believe what I was looking at. It was as though someone had punched me in the gut. I am sure we all agree that no words can EVER describe the way we felt. I went to work where for the first time ever there was a hush and such sadness as we listened out for more news while feeling utterly helpless. We prayed and we were sorry.</text>
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              <text>I keep an online diary. This is my entry, word for word for the date of September 11th, 2001.
**********************************

11 Sep 2001 - Horror and Devestation. God Bless America. 
 
I can't even describe how this day has effected me. I am almost speechless as it all seems like a dream. How could this have happened? It is all so surreal...even when we watch over and over again...it still just couldn't have really happened. The total devestation..the absolute horror of the amount of lives lost. My God...what must have been going on in those planes as the terrorists took control. The chaos, the terrifying feeling. Knowing...absolute KNOWING you are going to DIE! The utter disbelief and amazment of the workers in the Trade Center towers as they look out their business windows and see these huge airliners coming straight toward them. No time to think, no time to prepare, no time to reflect, no time to say a goodbye or and I love you. No TIME. 
The destruction. The total destruction. The hundreds of people who had gone in to help. They too..lost their lives. It just can't be real. I wish I could just wake up and it all have been a dream. May God please Bless this country....The United States of America. May he take the victims into his arms and comfort their loved ones left to mourn their loss. 
Our lives have changed forever. And not just ours, the citizens of America. I think all the world has been affected. A very, very big Thank You to this website for the kind and wonderful words written for our country and it's citizens. It is a great comfort to know we have support from people around the globe. 
My girls...ages 20 months and 3 months...their lives will forever be changed by the events that happened today. All of our lives have been affected.
God Bless this County.

 
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              <text>I think in some aspects I shouldn't be posting on a site about Sept. 11th because I wasn't at any of the locations where the actual tradegies occured. But, with that said I felt that I have something to contribute even if it's just someone reading and the thought "I felt the same thing" comes to mind. 

I started work early that morning probably about 6am when we reached the hospital where I was temp for the summer. I remember getting everything ready for what seemed to be another boring day of entering patient information. A few hours into my work I noticed the lite rock radio station that they had pumped through the speakers of all the rooms had changed to news. At first I was confused and thought maybe someone was doing a skit or some sort've morning talkshow joke (as they sometimes do).  I wandered up to the front desk where I was greeted with people scrambling around to get a spot to watch the breaking news.  We actually were watching when the 2nd plane hit tower 2 and all of sudden the sound, the world even, stopped.  I remember just sobbing saying "Who would do this?" over and over.  
As the day progressed and more news came in on what had happened, and where the planes had crashed the level of fear began to rise.  There was rumblings about how they were going to lock down the hospital because people feared that the planes were aiming for Pittsburgh. A silly thought in retrospect, but I kept thinking how insignificant and powerless we all are in stopping any of this.  In some ways I still feel that way, that we will never be in control even if we think we are. </text>
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My English teacher thought my carpe deem seize the day. I never understood those words till 911. So I changed my life by cutting my work time and getting less pay. So that I could spend more quality time with my family and cherish the things in this country that other countries do not have. The ability to listen to the radio, to laugh out loud for no apparent reason to give unconditional kisses and hugs to the ones I love and express my opinion every day. To where that flashy color or spend that extra money to make a child smile or to that extra five to the waitress instead of spending it on cigarettes.</text>
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              <text>My story will forever be with me.  I was on my honeymoon in Aruba that day.  Just as Jill and I did every morning we would use the Internet machines that where placed in the hotel lobby for the guest.  We would just write and tell everyone that we where fine and that we where having a great time and the weather was AWSOME!  

   Well on that morning we put our money into the machine and pulled up the Yahoo main page to get to out email, so to my amazement I say " hey Jill look a little plane hit the Twin Towers", little did I know that a jumbo jet had caused one of the worst terrorists attacks in world history.  I am guessing Yahoo had just received the news over the wire like everyone else, which they really did not know what had just happened.  As just finished saying that to Jill, a worker in broken English asked me if I was American, and I said, "yes".  She said,  "Everyone was watching TV in the hotel bar area in the lobby".  Now let me explain how far I was from the hotel lobby bar. I was about 15 feet around a corner, and that lobby had about 200 Americans in front of a TV watching CNN in total amazement! I could not hear one of them.  After seeing that TV and the people around me crying and consoling each other, it was the most disturbing thing I have ever saw.  

    Later that night I was able to call my mother at her work and let her know I was fine and totally scared!  

     Come to find out following the next 2 days there were about 30,000 people stuck in Aruba.  We where able to make it home on time!

  Jill and I will never ever forget that as long as we are married!  God Bless America and our men and women that protect us!   
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              <text>I was in my spanish 1 class talking with Brandon when Collin
ran into our room yelling and screaming "were under attack turn the television on quick." We turned the television on and thats when we all got the devistating news that saddened our souls and broke our hearts in two forever. We saw things that we didn't want to believe but we knew were reality. It's not everyday that you turn the T.V on and you see terrist attacks and our oun flesh and blood taken their leave from their oun wonderfull lives they had lived. I cried almost the whole day wondering whats become of the United States of America and if will ever be the same again. Well obvisouly it never will again and we will always remember that horrifing day like it was yesterday. Never forgetting all the inosent people that lost their lives for others. I would like to thank all the fireman and everyone else from that day that helped others and put their lifes on the line and all the fireman that never returned home that day. your all wonderfull people and you'll never be forgoten. God bless the victcums famlies and survivors.</text>
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              <text>     en la manana de septiembre de 11 estoy mirando la television ayer esquela. He tenado listo y no compra mucha attencion al television pero cuando yo he tenado a escuela no puedo creer nada.  En todos las clases professores y estudiantes eran mirando la television todo el dia.  Estaba muy sorprendido y un poco enfendado pero yo fue sobre mi dia que todos los dias. Cuando he tenido a mi casa he recordando que mi papa es en louisanna y no puede despendirle. El toce un autobus porque no puede tocar el avion.Mis primos llamen me porque viven en nueva york pero eran bien y un poco agobiado. Era pasmado todo el dia pero estoy confundido que todo esta bien ahora!</text>
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              <text>An ordinary day: made coffee, walked the dogs, got ready for work while watching the morning news...just another day...not at all...having been born and raised on the east coast and seeing the tragedy unveil was shocking and unbelievable.  My heart goes out to all, especially the victims and their families.  They are all true heroes.  I wrote this not to tell my story but to pay tribute to our nation?s incredible strength and to our many heroes.  Thank you...with US Always!</text>
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              <text>On September 11, 2001, many horible things were done to our country.  Terrorists killed thousands of people, not just Americans, but people from all over the world.  Americans are really people from all over the world living together, helping each other. A year after these tragic events, we are still working together.  We have survived, and no terrorists could ever tear apart the love in this country.

Does that mean we haven't been affected by these terrible deeds?  Of course not.  Take a look around you.  A whole lot has changed.  My life, along with millions of other people's lives all over the world, has been touched in one way or another by September 11th.  You will see that our country is more united than ever!  I dare you to try to count every patriotic thing being done in our country.  It's nearly impossible.  There are that many.  From people lighting candles, saying prayers, to all the flags on every door or window, everyone is working together to get past the pain and to show their American spirit.  There have been other changes, although we wish they weren't necessary.  We have had great advances in security and have become more aware of possibly being reintroduced to harmful diseases.  Some people have been affected more than others, some even losing family members and close friends.  No matter what the situation, we have all been affected.

At the time of the attacks, I was at school.  What had started out as a regular school day, ended up being one of the most upsetting things ever to happen in our history.  Not long after the planes hit the World Trade Center, we started to sense that there was something wrong.  Because we were in school, we were not informed until later about what was going on.  I understood why.  After all, there were younger children in the building that might not have been able to cope with the situation.  Still, I would have liked to know the facts a lot sooner.  We heard rumors, but I didn't really believe what everyone was saying.  I remember one of my friends was wearing a New York City shirt with the Twin Towers on it.  She said they were gone, but I still wasn't sure if the rumors were true.

It wasn't until I got home and turned on the television, that I found out what was going on.  That's when I saw the events that were happening.  Things that were so tragic I practically started crying right then and there.  I didn't know anyone who had died, but I was affected just the same.  I remember turning the radio on and going online to download and listen to the tribute songs.  I think that was when I really grasped what was happening.

I hope that these events will never be forgotten.  I hope they will live on forever in our hearts and in our minds.  We should remember all the innocent people who died and all of the people who died helping others survive.  We need to remember the people on the planes who knew they were about to crash.  We need to remember the people on the flight in Pennsylvania who fought back to save the lives of other people who  might have died.  We need to remember to always stay together.  We need to learn to love each other so that America can keep standing strong.  United we stand.  God bless America! </text>
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              <text>We had just moved to wisconsin the week before the world trade center.  Prior to that we had lived in North Carolina I started orientation that day at my new job at 0900.   Shortly after ariving at the long term care facility I was to become Director of,  We noticed staff as well as residents were gathered around the television sets.  People were talking.  The residents especially the men were fixated on the televison set.  No one moved   the men began an informal support type network.  Many of these men had been in the service.  They began to share their stories of survival and military service.  One talked about how Pearl Harbor had changed his life.  He told me that this act of terror would change all our lives from that day forward.   Our facility was transformed   residents who usually stay too themselves were out in common areas watching television.  The Women stated a pray group for those still missing.  One of the woman had a grandson who worked at the world trade center.  It was a full day before she found out he was okay.   I learned alot about the elderly that day.  Never before had realized these men who are now old and needing so much care were hero's.  My respect for them greatly expanded.    I still work in long term  just not at the same place.  Each year our residents have a memorial to that day.  They have planned the events on how we will celebrate tomarrow.  We are presenting the flag and having a pray sesson for those who survived and those lost.  We are all wearing red white and blue tomarrow  the newspaper is coming to record our memorial.  The men who live at our home in the military will be honored.    I think the biggest change in me after 9/11 is that I have a new appreciation for the policy, fire fighter and the brave men who serve our country.  Thank god for America  </text>
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              <text>On 9/11/02, I was in Atlanta attending a training seminar.  I was scheduled to fly home to Los Angeles that evening.  I learned of the attacks during the morning break. The big screen TV at the bar showed all that was happening.  The announcement was made at the time that all flights were being grounded.  I was able to call my wife at home to tell her to turn on the TV and also that I didn't know when I could return home.
Needless to say, the rest of the training seminar was cancelled.  The instructor was in tears--he was from the Boston area and had clients that worked at the World Trade Center.  As a class, we knew it was far more important to get home to our loved ones.
I was actually lucky--I was able to check back into the hotel I was staying and didn't have to scramble like so many others who were diverted to Atlanta.  I also had a rental car, so I wasn't stuck.  I offered to drive other stranded travellers around and even offered a classmate to drive him home to Indiana (wasn't necessary, as he was able to get a car).
The tough part was talking to my three 6 year old children (triplets) that evening.  I assured them I was safe and that I wasn't near where the "bad guys" where.  It wasn't how I wanted them to learn of how dangerous our world can be.
When the flight moratorium was lifted, I was able to get a flight that Thursday night, I talked to many people who had been stranded throughout the country and Canada.  Universally, everyone talked about how total strangers had pulled together to ride this out.
I arrived home very late Thursday night.  Because of the uncertainty of flights, I didn't tell my family that I was on a flight, so it was a nice surprise for them.  Likewise, at work on Friday, I was welcomed back with great cheer, as I was one of the few in my company to be stranded.
I've heard in the news that the terrorists had potentially looked at flights from a number of cities, including Atlanta.  It still chills me to think that my original Tuesday flight from Atlanta to Los Angeles on a 767 might have been on an list the terrorists had.</text>
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              <text>On September 11, 2001, I was home doing some housework, and my 4 year-old son was watching cartoons.  My husband called me from work and told me to put on the news.  I asked him which channel, and he said "I don't think it matters."  When I asked him why, he said that 2 planes had just crashed into the World Trade Center.  I said he must be joking, as I was walking over to the TV. I saw that it was anything but a joke, as I changed to a local channel.  They were showing the video of both towers on fire and smoking.  I thanked my husband for telling me, and told him I had to go so I could call my mother and brother.  We are originally from northern New Jersey, so New York City was like a second home for us. The rest of my family is still in New Jersey, and I was worried that someone might be working in New York City that day.  I checked with my Mom and brother, to make sure they knew what was going on.  My mother said she would check in with my grandmother, to see if anyone in the family was working in the city.  Thankfully, no one was.  But, I had a good scare in the middle of the day, when I realized that one of my friends who worked in New York City took the PATH train to the World Trade Center every day, and then changed trains.  He should have been there when the attacks happened.  It took quite a while, but he finally called me back.  I was so relieved to hear his voice!  He had decided to work from home for a while that morning, so he was on a later train.  That train was stopped before ever entering the city, so he was okay.  

I watched nothing but news for 8 days.  I yelled at my husband when he tried to change the channel.  I sent my son to my bedroom to watch cartoons and movies, so that I could keep watching the news.  I HAD to know what was going on every minute.  

I am lucky to not have lost anyone personally in the attack, but I have friends and relatives who have.  I still get very emotional when seeing pictures of the new skyline, and when seeing pictures of the way it was.  It's been over a year now, and I still cry.  I cry when I see pictures of the buildings, when I see stories about victims or their families, or just when I think about it for more than a few seconds.  What a shame, what a waste of human life.  

The terrorists have changed the world I am bringing up my son in.  I resent this, but at the same time, I am glad that our eyes have been opened to the insanity that is religious fanaticism in the world of Islam.  I pray for all of us.  </text>
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              <text>   I remember that the bell had rung for all of the students to switch classes.  As I was walking down the hall on my way to my American Government class, my younger brother pulled me aside and told me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  I didn't believe him and told him not to listen to all the things he hears.  Then I walked into my Government class just in time to see the second plane hit the Tower.  I went numb.  I looked around the room and knew that this was no accident.  Two of my girlfriends screamed and my teacher just looked in horror at the television.  I didn't even realize that I was crying until one of my friends handed me a tissue and a shoulder.  All of us just sat there watching the events unfold right in frone of us.  When the towers collapsed, I put my head on my desk and sobbed.  Thousands of people were gone in an instant.  The rest of the school day was terrible.  People were crying, teachers were crying.  No one knew what to do.  Tons of kids went home early.  We were all numb.  That afternoon, I got home and my parents were watching the news.  All of the stations kept replaying the second plane tear into the second tower.   That image is seaed into my memory.  I eventually had to go to my room just to get away from everything.  It was too overwhelming.  Why did these people do such a thing?  Why did they hate us so much.  Those were the questions I asked over the course of the coming months.  They were questions that never fully got answered.  In May I visited Ground Zero.  It was a healing experience.  Though I knew none of the people that died personally, I felt that I did.  Standing on that spot, I cried and signed the wall, as had thousands of others before me.  I knew then and there that this country will not fail.  No one can take us down.  We are truly the UNITED States of America.
   Jessica Rohdenburg 
   Milford, OH</text>
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              <text>On September 11, 2001 after the attack I felt very bad because alot of innocent people were killed. I thank God for the American Flag still standing that let's me know that America's still standing. So the only thing that I say to you is to continue to pray for the families and america. 
I know alot of children have lost their parents and alot of other family members butjust believe that everything will be alright as long as you leave it in God's hand.























































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              <text>unedited, grammatical errors and all, from my journal and emails to friends and family, the week of 9 sep 01 (this is the first time i've shared it publicly, and am happy to do so after reading the experiences of so many others):

first -- thanks everyone for your calls, emails, etc.  this day has just been like hell.  i have done virtually nothing, yet am totally tapped out. 
i was awakened this morning by what i thought was thunder.  as i checked phone messages which were already an unusually high number for that early in the day, i heard many emergency sirens out there -- not all THAT out of the ordinary for nyc. 
of course, the messages tipped me off, and i had only to look out the window in my apartment office to see the cloud of black smoke.
i love my apartment especially for a couple reasons:  the bedroom has a view of the empire state building; the office a view of the top 5 floors and huge antenna of the wtc, which at night was beautifully lit, and as comforting to me as a nightlight (i know it sounds corny, but true -- i looked up at that thing dozens of times in a typical evening) -- oh, and the rooftop (i live on the top floor) view is breathtaking.  still half asleep and in my pajamas (boxers and a t-shirt, really), i stumbled up to the roof. 
others were already there.  i made my way to the southern edge for the best view ? jaw-dropping; unbelievable is all i can say to describe the black smoke billowing across the horizon as far as one could see, the vivid nearly primary red ring of fire framing the gash in the tower (i still had no idea what was going on really).  at that moment i thought this to be the worst thing i had ever witnessed ? that the fire would subside and the wtc would be left with a massive gash, that like it?s older sister to the north (the esb, which was hit by a u.s. bomber during a ww2 blackout) would certainly be repaired in time.  of course i was to be very wrong in my assumption.  less than one minute of taking this in, glass sprayed down, confetti and glitter catching the sunlight; an elaborate fountain of grey ashen smoke rose up as the building just sank into it -- i mean SANK -- it didn't tip or tumble.  it was so neat, as in orderly --  it just came straight down.  there was a treblely crackling (like a dud firework) followed by an eerie low rumble.  then quiet.  just shock.
as it happened the others on the roof exclaimed "there it goes, there it goes . . . "  i looked to them -- is it falling??!!!  it seems laughable that this could even be considered possible.  they informed me that the first tower had already gone down.  i watched lower manhattan burn for a couple hours as i tried to make calls -- no dial tones on the home or cell phones. 
liz and i and janet (visiting from albany) walked to beth israel med center to give blood.  it was just so amazing how incredibly helpless i felt watching it happen, perhaps tens of thousands of people dying before my eyes in less than a minute.  besides that of course, the selfish fact that this was THE landmark, the symbol of nyc -- when i climb out of the subway in an unfamiliar neighborhood i ALWAYS use the wtc to navigate, like the north star -- and my familiar nightlight. 
it is 2am now.  nyc has NEVER been this quiet.  no traffic, no planes, no late night revelry.  just still. 
the last time i felt this distraught i retreated to the rooftop.  it was winter, 4am.  krista's uncle (my favorite) had just died.  it was a somewhat magical predawn, as we were in the midst of a spectacular meteor shower.  i pondered life and death and fate and all the things one thinks about when someone you love dies.  of course the skyline was there to comfort me.  again, i know how maudlin this sounds, but i knew EXACTLY where i was:  between the empire state, the wtc, and the stars -- home. 
well, i digress.  i really don't know what else to say.  kinda worried about what happens next.  not too confident in our national leaders; in fact terrified of them.  is it over? 
 love to all.  keep safe and sound, 
 christopher
??????????????????????????????
mom -- 
 i agree with you about powell -- for a republican and a military officer, he's surprisingly intelligent, logical and well
 spoken. 
 today -- 14th street and below is "closed" (no traffic besides essential emergency).  i live basically 14 blocks BELOW 14th st
 -- thankfully some restaurants, delis, etc. here are open.  service is terrible, but that's unintentional and understandable. 
 i live on a south corner of east houston street, which upon returning home i discovered to be entirely barricaded by police --
 not only to traffic, but pedestrians.  i had to wait on the corner until, thank god my super (the guy that takes care of the
 apartment building) came out and i called to him.  only then did the police let me come home.  now i REALLY feel TRAPPED here.  i don't know when work (and therefore
 income) will resume for me, nor when i'll be able to really venture outside.  it is a BEAUTIFUL summer day otherwise. 
 there is a "light" white cloud of fallout now over my neighborhood.  nothing is dust covered here; it all seems aloft. 
 phone service (cell and landline) is still intermittent here.  verizon has made all it's outdoor public pay phones free during
 this time (which is astounding . . .), gasoline is $5.00 per gallon, in manhattan at least.  mail is not being delivered to my
 address and those below.  uncertain when services (including trash removal) will resume.  i am ever patient -- i totally
 understand the necessity, and dare not complain; merely relating the circumstances here. 
 i really didn't dream last night.  the helicopters and fighter jets broke the silence around 2:30am.  woke up already in
 tears.  really, no matter how many times they replay this on television, no matter how much closer or detailed than my experience some of that
 coverage is, what is locked in my brain and persists there is my witnessing it first-hand (no matter from a "safe" distance). 
 it is truly THE most devastating and completely unbelievable event i have EVER witnessed.  the sheer magnitude and beauty of
 those buildings, what they symbolized . . . .  it was a huge and familiar chunk of the city i love. 
 beside the "hometown" pride and personal connection i feel about this place, i must say new york city to me is the LEAST
 american city there is in america:  every race, religion, nationality, persuasion is represented and tolerated here.  it is
 more an attack on humanity. 
 it is what we'd call "indian summer" back in indiana.  i remember this rare time of year as being perfection. 
 a prisoner at home, for now,
 christopher 
???????????????????????????????????
no bread, bottled water or toilet paper at supermarkets, delis, convenience stores.  there are no newpapers either. 
 literally, there is NO traffic down here, thus no delivery trucks to bring in goods / necessities.  i'm not even sure that
 inbound bridges and tunnels are open now.  there is no word on how long this "quarantine" will last --  quite awhile i
 figure.  they are stopping non-residents at 14th street and south, houston st and south, delancey street and south (which
 means delancey street, three blocks away is the farthest south i can go), and finally NO one beside emergency workers below
 canal street.  you absolutely MUST have PROPER i.d. -- my driver's licence still has my midtown address (over 3 years old
 now), which is why i had trouble getting home last evening.  i now carry my passport AND my voter registration card
 (containing my correct address), and the police DO check EVERYONE; no way around it.  i think about people living say, in
 israel and palestine where they go through this shit all the time -- bombing, violence, police and citizens alike carrying automatic
 weapons, checkpoints, on the spot searches, etc . . . and how insane it must be to live that way.  who knows what this could
 snowball into here, BUT it seems all new yorkers are taking it in stride -- which is good -- everyone has been so cool, laid
 back, perhaps numb, but really calm (if not unnervingly so).  humans are adaptable creatures; those in war torn parts of the
 world simply adapt and get used to it quick.  they HAVE to if they expect to survive.  it just becomes a fact of life.  i see
 now how easy even the most foreign concepts and behaviors are to adopt if given no choice. 
 the wind has shifted from the due south.  directly overhead it is clear as the most perfect fall evening -- except the acrid
 cloud laying low over all of manhattan.  it heads north to midtown, then seems to envelop it all, across the upper east side. 
 to the north, the empire state, chrysler and citicorp buildings are nothing but shadows (they are usually proudly and
 beautifully lit), perhaps out of respect, mourning, or even to conceal themselves against a nighttime attack.  the exact
 reason matters little; it simply is "wrong".  my throat is burning.  they say there is asbestos and god knows what else in
 that cloud. 
 it is truly more silent out there than any night in the 18 years i lived in indiana.  without the ever-present "light
 pollution", the stars are quite plentiful and stunning and it makes me aware how tiny this island really is in the larger
 scheme of things. 
 krista tells me there are aircraft carriers off the beaches of long island.  i'll look forward to her reports. 
 it seems the best way to reach me now is via email.  local calls have been no problem, but my family has trouble getting through,
 it is difficult for me to make long distance calls even across the hudson to new jersey. 
 fyi:  most of my friends and colleagues are not office workers -- i know of few people who work regularly in the wtc.  my
 roommate's good friend, however, worked on the 70th floor of the north tower.  he was there when the south tower was hit. 
 they actually announced over the building-wide p.a. that this incident was isolated to the opposite tower and that there was
 no need to evacuate.  he said "screw this", gathered his co-workers and headed down the stairs.  on their descent, just below
 the 50th floor, the plane struck THEIR building.  they all managed to fly down those stairs and get out o.k.  steve ran to the
 brooklyn bridge, and as he walked over it towards home he watched . . . the rest we all know. 
 hope you don't mind these posts.  i have limited contact with even those of my friends who are here in town. 
 take care my friends, 
 christopher
????????????????????????????????????
during the night a wind change:  the noxious cloud of fallout has invaded and blanketed my neighborhood.  all i can see of lower manhattan is bright haze, like a search light in a steambath.  there is so much pollution in the air now, to the north the low crescent moon which is just a sliver is CRIMSON!

it is just dawn now.  the cloud is stretching overhead like the milkyway.  i am awake because my chest is tight and the air is so foul -- out on the roof the air quality is like taking the charcoal after a bbq, pulverizing it with a baseball bat, standing over it and breathing deeply.  yes, it's THAT bad.  it is totally crisp and clear to the north.
the windows have been closed tight in my apartment all night, but it smells like this place is on fire.  i had to dismantle the smoke detectors earlier.
i have some surgical masks so i can go outside -- they are necessary at this point.  the wind (now 6am) seems as though it is slowly shifting back away from the city.
anyway, if they survived the fall, the intense heat -- breathing this at ground zero would have done them in in minutes.  i cannot imagine what it is for the rescue workers.
well, back to sleep i hope . . .
christopher
????????????????????????????????????????
the streets seem to be open to delivery trucks now.  got janet (my friend and former college professor who is on sabbatical, and was to stay with us while taking classes at fi.t.) to penn station, so she could take the amtrak back to albany.  we stopped along the way to have breakfast ? it IS remarkable so much down here is open now, as the ONLY non-emergency workers below 14 st, are those that LIVE below that line.  we walked with luggage up to union square.  there, hundreds had congregated for a memorial.  it wasn?t clear if there were LINES to get into the subways, but above 14 street everything is congested with traffic, people, noise, chaos ? in stark contrast to the quiet calm down here.  we remarkably hopped a cab immediately.  we sat at the intersection of madison ave and 14th  st in gridlock for what seemed an eternity; an expensive one at that.  once we turned off the jammed, packed park ave, things eased up across 31st st to 6th ave from where we had to go on foot again (just a block from the station).  set us back about $7 plus tip ? not much more than i would normally expect to pay for that ride at this time of day.  i must admit i didn?t feel too safe in penn (amtrak, lirr, subways, and madison sq garden are all within).  it was more crowded than at holiday times.  she already had the return ticket, and we had no trouble finding train info on the big boards.  passengers crowded the gate.  we were informed the train was standing room only, and there wasn?t much room to do that.
i walked home from penn, through chelsea, grabbed a beverage to go.  was of course stopped and checked for i.d. at 14 st.  as i walked through the comparatively deserted greenwhich village, i felt as though i had some special privilege to be there.  i cut diagonally across greenwhich ave to 6th, where st. vincent?s hospital had to deal with emergencies and the press, as well as onlookers, well wishers, families and friends of those unaccounted for.  lamp posts, mailboxes, business windows and car windshields were wallpapered with 8x11 leaflets bearing names and faces (mostly color, smiling snapshots) of those missing.  it was staggering just how many . . .  and just how futile it seems.
around washington square park, i had to slip the elastic bands of the mask back over my ears.  not a winning fashion statement, but i was in great company.
talked with noel who is sound engineer at the rock club, the continental.  all shows have been cancelled there and all over town at least until next week.  i imagine peeps here might be in the mood for a little diversion, but there seem to be no concerts, movies, sports, museums, libraries open at present.  the video stores in the east village , however look beyond busy and picked through.
nothing sensational is happening here on the home turf now.  that?s fine by me.
thanks, again everyone for your good wishes, calls and emails.  hopefully life will ? i want to say ?return to normal? ? i think ?begin to resemble normal? is enough to hope for right now.
christopher
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
i walked through my ?hood today, as the autumn weather is perfection, the light is golden.
i grab a slice of pizza (a ?comfort food? moment), and walk past the islamic mosque on 11th street.  there is a man?s wailing broadcast over the outdoor speakers.  some men in long robes and grey beards stand and talk on the sidewalk.  they look just as uncertain as the rest of us.  two police officers sit quietly in a car across the street.  i pass a first-floor apartment window from which i hear a woman loudly weeping and lamenting in spanish, as if she has just heard the worst news for the first time.  children are happily playing in thompkins square park.  votive candles have been placed and lit there under the big tree; i can smell the melting wax, like the inside of a church.
the sky is della robbia (a 15c. sculptor and painter of christian iconography) blue, with the exception of that cloud of dust and building and human beings where there used to stand an eternal monument to the ambition and acheivement of man; for all too brief a time.
it?s just a collage of contradictions . . .
there is a raucous drum and sax combo playing in the park, dog walkers, pot smokers, old people pausing to rest. 
i walk again towards home, the evening light making the bricks warm and golden.  for all it?s bombastic glory, i enjoy most the new york which is human-scaled.  i in fact love it.
today is still limbo i tell myself.  tomorrow work.  tomorrow the rest of my life.

christopher peifer nyc 2001
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              <text>It was the most beautiful of late summer days, crystal clear skies, cool breeze, bright sunshine.  So perfect.  I commuted to my job at the Metropolitan Museum of Art from Brooklyn with my 7 month old son, Edward.  I was at my desk by 8:30 am.  A co-worker and friend Hermes Knauer called to let me know that a plane had hit one of the towers of the World Trade Center.  He did not have many details and all in the office thought it was a mere accident involving a single engine prop plane.  Then my husband, Anthony, called to inform me it had been a passenger plane.

All I could think of was my mother, a flight attendant, who had just left us that morning to fly home to Minnesota.  I imagined that this horrible accident may have involved my mother?s plane.  Several calls later and I found out the first plane was not a Continental flight and while on the phone with Hermes again, the second plane hit the other tower and at that moment it became obviously clear that this was no accident.  I talked with my sister in Houston who was watching everything on CNN.

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This, however, was not going to be very easy.  All bridges and tunnels were being closed to vehicular traffic, the subways and buses were running erratically, if at all.  By 11:00am my friends, Edward Hunter and Fred Caruso, and I left to walk home.  We picked up my son carrying him in his front carrier with my friends helping with the diaper bag.  We were still not aware that the attacks were over, we were frightened.  On the way home we kept overhearing people compare this to Pearl Harbor.  It was very eerie to not have commercial planes flying about as they follow the avenues on their approach to LaGuardia Airport.  The only air traffic were F-16 fighter jets, usually in pairs.  We constantly skirted from east and west to avoid possible targets, the UN and the Empire State Building.  We passed by hospitals with emergency personnel and empty gurneys awaiting the trauma victims that never showed up.  As we approached downtown we joined the exodus from lower Manhattan going into Brooklyn.  There were people covered in dust, people on cellular phones, people like us who just wanted to get home to loved ones.  My son luckily fell asleep on my chest oblivious to the tragedy that had unfolded.  I remember holding him close, thankful that he was with me.

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              <text>I was in disbelief, as I am sure so many people around me were, this just couldn't be happening, surely someone had a sick sense of humor to broadcast such a horrible 'joke' on the radio station!  When I went inside, there was the news coverage -- horrible, frightening, and still not a clue about what was really going on.  I burst into tears, I'm from New Jersey, and I knew that I lot of people that I had grown up with and graduated from High School with had taken jobs in NYC -- I just couldn't even think who they were, I was so overwhelmed with grief and sorrow.

Yesterday, 11 September 2006, I went to a Dentist's appointment -- dressed in red, white and blue to honor all those who lost their lives in the horrific attacks (along with some black clothing, to show I still am mourning the loss of so many of my fellow Americans)  The Dental Assistant, upon hearing my accent, asked my if I had lost any loved ones on that day.  "No, I replied, not personally, but there were lives lost which will affect all of us for untold times to come", she agreed and I said a little prayer for the families of the slain, and the families of the survivors, who seem to be forgotten as the event moves from the collective minds of our people.

Let us NEVER FORGET THE EVENTS OF THAT DAY!!!!  We have young men and women dying to bring freedom and democracy to countries that have never had such freedoms and democracies ever before, let us support them, love them, and welcome them home with open arms!!!!!</text>
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              <text>I woke at 8:30 am and started my day. After the coffee was made and the e-mail read I received a phone call from my friend Dave who lives and works in lower Manhattan. He had just dropped off his son in Brooklyn and changed trains at the WTC. Taking an Uptown train he exited the subway and saw the first train flying down the Hudson Parkway. He then witnessed the first collision and immeadiately called his family. The he called me. "Turn on your TV" he said, I could barely hear so as I did turn on the tv I muted it.
I could hear him better and I asked if it was foggy there. He said "Clear as a bell". I then asked if it was an accident. He said the plane was flying so low he could read the small print on the belly of the aircraft. Then I looked up to the tv and said " Oh here is the instant replay, Dave". He screamed "That's no ----ing replay!" As the jet crashed into tower 2 I heard it live on his phone. Then all I could hear was panic.
Chaos ensued and the day progressed. He eventually had to ride a bike to Brookyln, to get his son from the special education school. On the way home he got a flat.  </text>
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              <text>I was a sophomore at Tavares High School. I walked into my second class for the day which just happened to be World History class at 9:05am. My teacher was Dr.Price, I had him my freshmen year so I know his daily routine to this day. We would start class with "On this Day in the year...." After that we would turn on the news at exactly 9:30, and write down three or more things that were happening in the news. Usually it would be a new drug out or some type of merger in business. We were watching CNN, and the first thing we heard was "replay that again." We watched the replay of the second plane hitting the building. As my class began to listen, our jaws dropped as we heard that there were two planes that hit each WTC tower. Everyone knew THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT! I remember writing in my notebook as I was hearing it...News article #1:A plane hit the world trade center early around 9am. #2 ANOTHER plane hit the second tower(believed to be a terrorist attack). #3 The Pentagon is on fire. #4 a car bomb exploded in Washington D.C. #5 The Capitol building is being evacuvated. I recall writing so many things down that I had to stop writing in order to watch history before my eyes. Most of things I had written turned out to be worse or rumors. At this time, I felt unsafe. Fires, bombing, terrorists.....who would? I remember looking around my classroom as the towers came crashing down, my classmates made faces of hatred, fear, and sorrow. I'll never forget my teacher's face, he sat on a stool staring at the floor probably to keep himself from crying. All anyone could think of was 'War' against whoever did this. The rest of the school day was spent watching the news.</text>
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