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              <text>On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I was working on my computer in my office while my husband was watching T.V.  All of a sudden my husband jumped up off the couch and told me a plane had hit the World Trade Center tower.  I automatically said, "Your kidding!"  I went into the livingroom and saw the horror unfolding in New York.  Then as we were watching, the 2nd plane hit the other tower.  I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.  We both sat in shock and cried.  The fear and the shock on the faces of the people running away from the towers just broke my heart.  I immediately started praying for all of the people in New York.  When the Pentagon was hit I began to fear the entire U.S. was being attacked.  Then we found out about the plane crashing in Pennsylvania...this really frightened me because my oldest son lives in PA. This utter horror seemed like it would never end!  To this day I am still  having a hard time believing that this cowardly atack happened.  I pray often for all the people who lost their loved ones on that day.  I thank God every day that my family is safe. I have watched all the coverage on T.V. today, September 11, 2002, and have cried anew for the pain so many people have gone through for the past year.  I have total faith in President Bush and his administration and know they will continue making the right decisions for our country.  I will continue to pray for all of the people who have suffered from this tragedy.  GOD BLESS AMERICA AND HER PEOPLE!!!  THERE IS NO GREATER COUNTRY THAN THE U.S.A. AND NO TERRORIST GROUP WILL TAKE AWAY OUR FREEDOM AND OUR LOVE FOR OUR COUNTRY!!!  </text>
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              <text>I wrote this on Sept 10, 2002:

As the anniversary of the terror attacks on America approaches, I really feel I need to write down my feelings and thoughts of what happened that day, and what 9/11 means to me.
 
No, I wasn't one of the people who were in the Towers, or the Pentagon, nor did I have friends or relatives in either of these places or on the planes, that perished.  I was one of the millions of Americans that day that was glued to the television, watching America's innocence being stolen away in front of the whole world.
 
I remember that morning so clearly.  Joshua was running around, a cute little toddler at almost 15 months.  Zeke was just two months old.  I had gotten the girls off to school and Earl called me as he does every morning after he goes to work.  He said, "Hey what is up at the World Trade Center?  Did it get bombed or what?"  
 
My immediate reaction was, "Again?!"  I remembered when it was bombed before.  I went and turned on CNN.  And stood there looking at the World Trade Center  Tower #2 smoking.  I told him they said a plane had hit it.  I thought, "Oh those poor people" and "I wonder how they will get the plane out of there".  I never thought it was a terrorist attack, just a horrible accident.  And then the unthinkable happened, the second plane hit right there on international television.
 
During the next few hours, which seemed like days, I was, along with millions of other Americans, glued to the television.  The Pentagon was hit, the towers fell, the plane in Pennsylvania crashed.  And all I could think was, "When is it going to stop?  How many more planes are going to come crashing down from above with psychopathic idiots at the controls?"
 
America was raped that day on international television, for the whole world to see.  Time after time she was raped.  She was left hurting, bleeding, wounded in her heart.  But she has come back stronger than ever, in some ways.
 
What most Americans fail to realize is  yeah, we are winning the war on terror as we know it, but there is going to come a time that we are hit again in a way and in a place that we have never even thought about.  I don't know how many times I've heard on the news, "Had we known that they would use airliners as flying bombs..."  Our government is doing a very good job coping with and trying to prevent attacks on this country and our interests abroad.  But it will happen again.
 
Before you get mad at me for stating that, let me explain.  In the weeks following the attacks, it was God who led this country, who comforted this country.  But quite honestly, people have become as complacent or more so than they were before the attacks.  We have got to turn our hearts and our lives toward God now more than ever.  You know why?  Because it is only going to get worse.  Don't believe me?  Get out the Bible and turn to Revelation.  This is not the beginning of the end, we are a whole lot closer to the end than anyone knows.
 
It wasn't 3 weeks after the attack Earl and I were talking.  The ACLU was having a field day with all the "God Bless America" stuff saying how it was WRONG to say that and how the President shouldn't do this and shouldn't pray, etc etc etc...  And I said to Earl, "They just don't get it.  They don't get the fact that unless they turn their hearts TOWARD God this country is going to suffer an even greater attack."  He said, "Oh that won't happen".  I said, "That is what they said on Sept 10, 2001".
 
It can and it will happen.  How many more times must America be on her hands and knees, how many more wounds must she suffer?  Every time I hear a plane fly over I think of 9/11.  And how it changed my life.  In God's arms, that is the only safe haven.  
 
The other day, I read about all the people on Flight 93 that went down in Pennsylvania.   It was a story that was compiled of all the people that had received phone calls from their loved ones on that plane, that day.  When you know that the end of your life has come and you have to make a choice between doing right, and doing wrong, then that is the time your true character comes out.  The innocent people on that plane that day, were suddenly all equal in each others eyes.  It didn't matter if they were sitting in first class, business class, or coach, each one of them suddenly became real.  All facades were taken off and humility took over.  I don't know about you, but I want to be real all the time, not just in the last hour or two of this life.  I want to learn to live life like I only have 1-2 hours left.  What do I have to lose?  Pride? Yes.  I have lots of pride to lose, we all do.  
 
I'm thankful for all those people who selflessly gave their lives for us to live with freedoms that we have been given.  I'm thankful for the wake-up call that we've all been given and I pray that we all heed that call.  God's knocking.  And whether people like it or not, the freedoms that we enjoy in this country are based on the Word of God.  
 
I hope this speaks to someone today.  I feel much better just sharing my heart.
 
Leona</text>
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              <text>I was leaving for work around 10:30 a.m. When I turned on the car radio I heard what I thought to be a normal news break, so i flipped the channel. Same scenario. I flipped the channel and again, news. I decided to listen since it was not common that all the channels were having a news break at the same time. That's when I started to put the pieces together. I realized that something terrible had happened in New York, then the Pentagon. I was in shock. When I got to work everyone was at the bar watching the TV. Some of our country club members didn't come in that day. It was obvious that the country had been the center of somenone's sick plot. I thought, "why us?" Some of the other waitresses were crying, while others were obviously mad. Then it hit me--the U.S.A. WOULD fight back. There was no doubt in my mind that this would turn even uglier because of the cowardly way the terrorists attacked. Then another thought, my sister-in-law was an officer in the Army. Now the attack had hit me personally. I became very upset. My bartender asked me what was wrong, and then I told him about Nikki and her husband being in the Army. He just gave me hug and said "Everything will work out. They'll get the people that did this. She may not even have to go anywhere." Why did it seem that there was little or no comfort in the situation? I talked to my sister and she informed me that my brother had just moved to New York that summer. Once again, another personal attack. We didn't hear from him for a few days so we were all worried about him. Thankfully he was fine and unharmed, as was his family and in-laws. I just thought for days how evil people can be. I put my sister-in-law's army picture up in my window with an American flag. It is still there, reminding me every day of what we have suffered and the heroes waiting to defend our country. Nikki has not had to go overseas, but there is always that possibility. I am so grateful to those already in Afghanistan and other places defending our country's honor and strength. WIthout them, where would this country be? I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.</text>
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              <text>Though my home is Manhattan, I was attending the Texas Travel Industry Association conference in Austin, TX, and preparing to fly to Tacoma, WA early that morning, so I'd not turned on my TV.

A colleague called my room to alert me, and commiserate: when I called my husband in NY - 2 blocks from the Empire State Building - he knew only that a plane had struck the WTC: how odd it felt to be telling this news to someone barely two miles from the site of the tragedy itself.

My taxi was waiting, so we drove to the airport, since flights had not yet been grounded. En route, we heard of the Pentagon strike, and then the Pennsylvania crash. By the time we arrived at the airport, it was closed down, so I returned to my hotel and the conference, where there was a great sense of community and support for the two New Yorkers in their midst.

Several days later, my colleague and I drove East: whenever we stopped for food, we would meet others crossing the country in the opposite direction, heading home, too, and share stories. During daylight hours, simple sights were comforting: cows grazing placidly on a hillside; the sunshine and blue sky that marked that week.

I was lucky that the one friend who worked in the WTC - and who had experienced the 1993 bombing and survived a subsequent bout with breast cancer - had succeeded in walking down from the 66th floor. Her two grown children, both of whom work in the area, were sure she had perished, until later in the day when they made contact.

Several weeks later, I retrieved a roll of photos from a conference in Bermuda in early Septemebr, to which my husband and I had cruised from NY: and there, taken on September 1, was my last photo of the Twin Towers.

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              <text>Tuesday, September 11, 2001 I was sitting in a coworker's office, just about 9:00 in the morning, when we got word of first plane crash from another employee.

We got to cnn's web site and saw a picture of the gaping hole in the first tower. We were trying to count floors to estimate how many people died. It was horrible to think about being on the plane. Then we thought about looking out your window and seeing a plane come at you.

Suddenly word came (from others in the department) that there had been a second plane, to the other tower.  By this point we could not get out to the internet - everyone was trying to hit CNN's web site, as well as the other news web pages.

I called my best friend, and told her to put the TV on. She was home on maternity leave with her new son. I will never forget hearing her say "Oh my GOD, oh my GOD, look at that plane". She was looking at the video of the second plane crashing into the tower. Then she said "Look at that thick black smoke. Why are they showing the penatagon? Wait, the pentagon is on fire too!"

From that point on, we were all in each other's offices for the next hour or so, huddled around radios listening to the news. 

No one could get work done. About 11:10 am a group of us went to a sports bar that had dozens of tv's, showing all of the major networks reporting the news.  It was very somber. I was still in shock, in horror, amazed by the terrible things such as people leaping to their deaths from the buildings, and the buildings themselves dissolving, melting away into a billowing, monstrous 
evil cloud of dust. It was as though a volcano had suddenly exploded and was trying to swallow everyone in its path. There was a rain of papers. Business papers were fluttering everywhere. The gray ash was so deep, and the clouds rose so high into the sky. It was beyond comprehension.

We went back to work, and I followed my normal routine of leaving at 2pm to go and get my children. My son's babysitter, was distraught over the presently un-accounted for Godfather of her own child.  "He worked next door and he's the type of guy who would just help people."

When I got home, I turned on the TV again, watching the same footage over and over, with new information added in, reeling every time the plane ripped into the tower, astonished every time the towers sank as though in quicksand.

The mayor of NYC spoke, and I cried when he made reference to all of the children whose parents wouldn't be coming to get them that evening.  I cried and cried, and my 7 year old daughter didn't understand why I was crying. I tried to explain to her that the plane had hit the building, and it was very sad, because lots of nice people had died. But she didn't understand. Mercifully, she was too young to have it seem real. Too young to understand that somewhere in the city two hours away were girls who wouldn't have their mommy coming home that night. 

I signed on to AOL and my friends were frantic about me. They knew I was in NY state but not where.  I had actually given my phone number to one, and she had left a tearful message on my answering machine at home. She thought it was my cell phone and when she couldn't get through to me she didn't know if I had been in the city and killed.  So I logged on and immediately my friends created a chat room just for me to talk, cry, and to "be with" my friends from all over the country. One, (S.) was distraught, having been through the Oklahoma City bombing. (K) was worried about me having friends or family in the city. (At this writing the only person I knew was a former co-worker of several years before.) And, my beloved Canadian friend was offering the love and sympathy of her entire country.

The most gutwrenching thing in the days to come was the flood of individual faces of the people lost. The stories, of who was late and who was early, and thus spared, or lost. The signs, everywhere ... "Have you seen me?" put up by desperate relatives.

My friend (another AOL pal) M lives in NYC and works in Manhattan and sent a gripping email describing her day.  We were so worried about her until we heard from her. (It was two days).

The mass on Sunday was very hard for me. I walked in and right near where we always sit were the prayer candles.  They were white, with red and blue candles forming the cross in the center. I started to cry then.  I cried through God Bless America and the other patriotic songs. I went outside and saw friends, and we all cried together.

I had a painting that I had done, when I took a watercolor class in college. It was part of the flag, draped over a blue and white fabric. I put it in the front window -- it was there for the gulf war, and now it is there again. I don't really know when I'll put it away.</text>
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              <text>I can't even describe what I felt on September 11th, 2001. I couldn't believe that someone would do that to millions and millions of people in this world. Two towers, burned to the ground in a matter of minutes. How can you describe that without thinking "Was God not with them on that day?" My aunt was supposed to be in that building, but luckily for her-and her family-she was sick that day and couldn't go into work. 3,000 people died in one day, people screaming, people panicking, people rushing out of the buildings, calling loved ones, saying that they might not be coming home for dinner that night. You are watching TV, or in the streets praying to their neighbors that their loved ones make it home safe that day. All you hear are people saying, "Oh my God, look!!!" Black smoke filled the beautiful summer sun. I was in school-World History to be exact-and all I hear is people gossiping about how the World Trade Center was on fire. To tell you the truth, I didn't know what those were at first, until we turned the TV on and it showed the second tower being hit, over and over and over again. I hurt so bad inside. You are sitting there watching TV and have this feeling in your stomache and one thing on your mind: "who would do this to millions of innocent people?" The dark black smoke against the blue sky, and the Statue of Liberty looked scary, horrifying, threatening. People say that we should have a holiday to remember the tragedy of September 11th, but you don't want to do that. That shows that the terrorists won, and that they got what they wanted; us in fear and in pain/depression/ etc. After the towers were burned to the ground, and there was nothing left except ash and dust, there were two beams that made the shape of a cross. Thinking of that, makes me feel inside and helps me to know, that God was there that the day the planes hit the towers. He was there with the women and men that were running down the stairs trying to find the quickest and safest way out. He was with the people, who jumped out of the buildings and lost their lives who couldn't get out in time. He was there, in your heart as you watched the towers on TV get hit, and the people on the street watching this happen right in front of their eyes. I wanted to recgonize the fire fighters who risked their lives to save people stuck on the 100th floor before the towers fell. The police officers taking charge on the streets so people can't get hurt standing there watching this horrific incident happen. During that same day at school, I went to my last period class, which was band. We had to go outside and practice for our show on Friday. When we got out on the field, our band director told us to put our instruments down, be totally silent and look up at the sky, and listen. What did we hear? Absolutley NOTHING. It was so silent that you could hear people talking halfway down the street. No planes. NO helicopters, no nothing. And that is something we will never forget. This is like our World War III. and we have to remember this for the rest of our lives. So September 11th was horrible for not only people who WERE affected by losing people they loved and knew, but to others who loved their country and wanted to help, but knew that they couldn't.  </text>
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My Account of the Terrorist Attack on America

?

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

I had plunged into the workday about an hour earlier, and was just leaving the bathroom when I saw people hanging around Conference Room 504. The TV was on.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Two planes hit the World Trade Center," someone answered.

That didn?t register at first; the fact that there were two planes. I right away thought of the plane long ago that smacked into the Empire State Building. Maybe it was some sort of bizarre accident, I wondered.

But then I saw video footage of this: one trade center tower burning, smoke pouring out of a gaping hole, and then, THEN, a plane curving and smashing directly into the second tower, near the top. Suddenly, this looked nothing like an accident.

We all stood there for while, watching with our mouths gaping as the morning steadily grew more terrifying. 

They cut to President Bush in a Florida elementary school, trying to reassure us. But moments after, live reports kept breaking in: a fire at the Pentagon, make that a PLANE crashed into the Pentagon, the White House being evacuated.

No one wanted to leave the TV at this point. As we were watching, the most extraordinarily terrible thing happened: one tower buckled and fell to the ground. Then later the second tower disintegrated before our eyes. There were reports that people, in a panic, were seen jumping from the floors as the building went down.

"Oh my God!" we kept saying over and over. I began to shake uncontrollably. I felt like I was watching a movie or in a bad dream. Sue tried to call her sister, who works in Manhattan. The lines were overloaded. Marie began panicking because her nephew works in the Pentagon. 

I was afraid to walk away because it seemed as if every few minutes, something worse was happening. I wondered if terrorists would blow up the White House, the Statue of Liberty, or the Golden Gate Bridge. A sort of numb panic made everything disoriented. 

The FAA announced every plane in the United States was grounded; international flights were being diverted to Canada. This came after news that four different planes were hijacked ? two in Boston, one in Newark and one in Dulles, in D.C. Two hit the Trade Center, one hit the Pentagon, and one crashed in Pennsylvania. In this crazy modern world of technology, people actually called their relatives from cell phones as the planes were going down. They talked about hijackers stabbing the crew and taking over the controls. One of the flights, a United scheduled to fly from Boston to L.A., actually passed right over the Springfield area, probably as I was starting my day at work.

They closed down Disney World and Disney Land and cancelled major league baseball games, the Emmys, the Tonight Show. The media reported that President Bush was on Air Force one flying somewhere but wouldn?t say where, for his safety.

By now it was almost lunch time, but I couldn?t eat a thing.

In the afternoon, I was sent over to Baystate?s Command Center, where we were on a Disaster Plan "standby." Employees kept calling to say they were willing to help in any way if needed. People began pouring into the Blood Donor Center to give blood. 

I was supposed to meet Mark Tolosky to do a TV interview with Channel 22, but in the craziness of the day, lost him briefly. Channel 40 was also there doing a story. All around the hospital, TVs were on and people were talking in shocked and hushed tones. Springfield schools cancelled after school activities; the colleges closed and the malls closed.

Later in the afternoon I went back to the office. The TV was still on; everyone was still shell-shocked. I read a little bit of BBC News on-line, where condolences were pouring in from people around the world. 

When I got home I began to cry and watch TV and cry some more. So many people lost for no reason at all. 

It was the strangest sight: all of the Democrats and Republicans got together at some site in Washington, I forgot where now, and for the first time in ages overcame their bipartisan spats to express their condolences. And then they started singing "God Bless America." Once again, things felt surreal.

I can?t believe that someone came in and just ripped away the World Trade Center. I can?t believe it. I can?t believe four planes were hijacked, or that people were leaping out of windows. How will I sleep tonight? How will anyone sleep?

?

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

I?m sitting here in the sunshine on a beautiful September afternoon and everything is so very wrong. I feel as if I can?t bear to learn anything new about this devastation or my heart will just split into pieces.

All day was nearly a repeat of yesterday. TVs and radios on everywhere. News of FBI agents raiding a hotel in Boston; stopping a train in Providence. More reports of people calling on cell phones from those planes. Thousands feared dead. Thousands. The World Trade Center just a pile of rubble. Stories of body parts everywhere; people jumping and killing firefighters, people wandering around the city in a daze, looking for missing loved ones. 

Why? Why have we been so violated? Why? Why? Why? 

I feel as if all the images are just collapsing into each other in my brain, too horrible to comprehend. 

Today I gave blood because I had to do something. There were 50 people there before me ? black, white, young, old, from doctors to secretaries and many people who did not work at Baystate. No one complained about the hour wait. People rarely spoke at all, instead reading newspapers or just thinking about everything that?s happened in such a short time.

?

Thursday, September 13, 2001

Today at work for a few minutes I laughed, really laughed, and it felt so good. But later in the car I started to wholeheartedly cry when I thought of driving to Wal-Mart while someone was tapping, buried under rubble.

Such emotions?such horrible things. At some moments I pray and pray and cry that I didn?t pray more at first. I cry that on Monday night I was furious that Big Y gypped me out of a magazine, when some terrorist-friend was telling a bartender in Florida that "tomorrow Americans will see blood." 

I was driving and spilling coffee on myself and people were terrified and screaming in the air above me. It?s as if my imagination is a curse; each thought is worse than the one before it. And every bit of information is just horrid. Five minutes ago I heard they recovered the body of a flight attendant with her hands tied behind her back.

Some things take so long to sink in, and others hit me right away. Tonight, for the first time I really thought about those buildings going down, and how many more were killed because of that. When it happened, it was like a dream or a movie. I didn?t think of people actually in or under the building. I was too shocked that the towers were just gone. I still am.

Everyone?s buying flags to display them in their cars or outside their houses. I went out tonight to get some small ones. At Ocean State Job Lot, everyone in line was buying them. I saw one of the cashiers leave the register to go in the corner and wipe her eyes.

Outside, a huge thunderstorm/burst of rain hit as I left the building. I didn?t even hurry to the car. I just walked and let myself get drenched. 

?

Friday, September 14, 2001

I know I will never forget this day, for so many reasons.

This morning I awoke to rain and cold for the first time in weeks. It was as if everything had shifted and fall had arrived. Dead leaves were scattered all over the street.

I put on my red, white and blue, as did everyone else. At 280 Chestnut Street, some guys from Engineering unfurled a huge American flag down the front of the building, despite the pouring rain. 

I still couldn?t concentrate on work. I tried?I wanted to be able to, but I couldn?t. The biggest weight on me is just the thought of all those people?and so few survivors. I keep saying this, but it just breaks my heart. I pray and wonder?who am I to be angry with God, but I wish?I feel like He doesn?t hear.

There was a prayer service in Washington around noon. It was beautiful, and sad, and needed. Clinton and Gore, Hilary, George and Barbara Bush, Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford were all there. Billy Graham spoke, and George (W.) talked about people looking for signs, and that sometimes God?s signs are not our signs. That stayed with me.

Tonight at 7 people were told to go outside with a candle to show their support. What I saw over the next few hours warmed me to tears. Dan and I were driving down Memorial Drive at 7 p.m., in Chicopee. Groups were outside of restaurants, apartment buildings, churches?waving flags, with lit candles, some with signs. 

Wherever I looked there were flags on cars or candles lit in windows. Later as we drove closer to home, clusters of people lined the streets in the darkness, illuminated by candles. Cars, many with flags on antennas, honked continually in support. Later I drove and found many intersections just packed with people. About a mile down the road, Dominos was delivering free pizzas to the crowds.

The sight at the "X" was amazing. At least 100, maybe more people stood on all corners. One had a sign that said "Honk if you love the USA." This is a Vietnamese community and many there were of Vietnamese descent. One man stopped the light to stand in the center of the street with a large flag, chanting "USA! USA!" 

At close to 10 p.m. they were still out near home, shooting red, white and blue fireworks over the streets.

Watching all of this I felt moved to tears again and again. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian?rich and poor, young, old, and everything in-between?they were unified before my eyes, and I began to feel stronger. More than ever before in my life, I felt proud to be an American. This is what we have to do to overcome. Fear cannot stifle us.

Dear God, I feel as if I am taking so much in. I?m just saturated with emotion. I also feel as if we?ve jumped back in time and it?s World War 2, and we?re all rallyingaround a cause. I have never felt like this before, not even during the Gulf War.

I?ve never cried so much while simultaneously embracing hope. I will remember this day for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear, and I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It?s driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting, mass appeal.
Lately I?m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.|Whatever tomorrow brings I?ll be there, with open arms and open eyes. Whatever tomorrow brings I?ll be there, I?ll be there..." 

-- "Drive"

?

Saturday, September 15, 2001

There is little to say today. No survivors found, just more horror. I?ve heard such sickening things I don?t even want to write them down.This morning I looked up into the sky and saw planes. I saw them this evening, too, but they looked like military planes, flying one after another.

There are red, white and blue and flags everywhere. Wherever you turn, someone is collecting donations for New York.

We went to a party this afternoon. There were kids all over the place, playing. I wished wholeheartedly I was one of them.

Today Tuesday is hitting me. I?m finally able to absorb the horror of what was truly one of the most frightening few hours of my life. I keep thinking of those reports coming into the news anchors, almost constantly: the Pentagon on fire, the White House evacuated, plane crash in Pennsylvania. Air Force One somewhere secret. I was afraid to leave the TV. I was afraid the White House and God-knows-what was next. My body began pulsing with adrenaline; my hands began to shake. I went into the bathroom and prayed, shivering violently. I came out and watched both towers disintegrate. Everyone just gasped "Oh my God!" over and over. Jenn said something about the end of the world. It crossed my mind.

I thought about the panic spreading rapidly across the country. I pictured kids leaving Disney World with their parents, bewildered. I thought of the skies across the United States being completely quiet, except for those still in the air. Then I wondered about everyone up in the air and shivered.

I didn?t even think of everyone in the towers. Not then. This shock and grief and realization seems to come in waves. Dear God, when will I have a peaceful dream again?

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Sunday, September 16, 2001

It?s amazing how every day something new hits me. Today I began to let go of the fear and trust in God, and that felt, in some ways, incredible. At the same time, this afternoon I just began to feel so sad. The death toll has risen about 5,000. Five thousand people. It?s painful to write, to say, to think. It makes Oklahoma City look achingly minor. The thought of all those people and their families and friends just crushes my heart. I wish so badly I could help them, hug them. We all need to look after them in our prayers in the months and years to come. 

Around 7 p.m. I decided to drive down to Bradley to look at the planes take off. Something very strong within me needed to see them. God, it was such a beautiful evening. The sky was absolutely cloudless. The air blowing through the window felt like Fall, and I saw the first little pumpkins for sale along the side of the road.

When I got to Bradley, I parked across the street and just watched. There was a US Airways jet right in front of me, and I realized the sound had immediately gotten my heart racing. I tried to ignore the panicky feeling, but at first all I could hear and see in my mind was that first plane barreling into the first tower. After a few minutes, though, I was able to watch it take off, literally into the sunset. I watched until it disappeared from sight. 

For awhile I stayed there, just watching and then inexplicably cheering them on as the planes went. I noticed there were what appeared to be military jets in the distance, keeping vigil. It gave me a warm but unsettling feeling. I also noticed the airport seemed very quiet and definitely working with a diminished flight schedule. Still, something about watching them go up and come down helped me feel more grounded. And it helped reassure that part of my mind that felt so frightened Tuesday when, for the first time in America in decades and decades, the skies fell silent. 

As I was driving back through Suffield in the dark, I saw tons and tons of parked cars. On the green, wherever I looked, were tons of people holding candles. There must have been hundreds of people, yet they were perfectly still, listening to someone lead prayers for the dead. It was so sad and haunting and beautiful.

Tomorrow we all have to go to work. And soon our country will be going to war. Again, I marvel at how life has changed in just 5 days.

Before I sleep tonight I wish I could rid the latest pictures and memories from my head. Each day a new movie plays in my mind; a delayed reaction. This time, it?s two images: 

One is a few hours after the planes hit. Thousands of New Yorkers, covered with dust, eyes vacant, crossing the bridges to get out of the city. They didn?t run. They walked like zombies, as if they didn?t really comprehend what was happening. All they knew is that they needed to get out.

The other is just a whole block of time ? from about noon to 3 p.m. Tuesday. They had just announced on TV they thought another hijacked plane was heading for Washington, when Michael asked me to go over to the North Campus to the Disaster Command Center. I left in a complete daze. I felt like a scared animal. I heard a dump truck make a slamming noise and jumped a foot. In the car every single radio station carried the news. I looked up at the blindingly sunny sky and saw nothing, heard nothing. I felt as if the silence was burning my ears.

At the Command Center people were watching TV; phones were ringing. Everyone worked as in a dream. People didn?t yet feel the horror. Later I went back to my car and back to the radio. The day was still beautiful; skies still empty. At home just about every one of the 60-something channels played the story. Even MTV. And the Home Shopping Network. So the nightmare began.

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Tuesday, September 18, 2001 

Dear God, when will I feel better? When will I feel normal? When will my heart not be so heavy? The girl upstairs always plays loud music. I haven?t heard any in a week. Every time any of us at work hears a plane, we look up and watch, enthralled. We check to see if it?s in the air where it belongs. Whenever a group of people are standing around a TV at work, someone inevitably comes by and asks, "What? What happened?" in a panicked voice. I feel stupid right now worrying about the future, or thinking about Fall foliage. Stupid.

Everything about September 11 was so terrible. I try to split it into parts. Each part is terrible People terrified on planes, some with hands bound, some with throats slit. Planes actually hitting the buildings, killing people. Then, just when you think it?s over, buildings crumbling, killing more people, and rescuers. And now, more body parts than bodies being found. Now, war approaching with the promise of more deaths. I know my hope and strength comes from God. But how, how is it possible to be filled with joy with all of this horror? I feel very hardened. I just wish I could be silly and feel like God is saying there will be no more silliness or frivolousness. Dear God I don?t want to wallow. Still I can?t forget.

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Friday, September 21, 2001

After Princess Diana died, I remember going in to work at The Big E, doing ordinary things, going about my business. But as I was stuffing envelopes or typing this voice in my head kept running over and over, saying "Diana?s dead. Diana?s dead." It moved in rhythm with me, putting the rest of life slightly out of focus.

That?s how I feel now. I feel as if life is moving on but how can it be moving on? I am talking and laughing and eating but somewhere in the background I am thinking, "There are more than 6,000 people dead." And there is no more World Trade Center. It?s just gone. And we are preparing for a long war. 

When will it sink in? They show pictures of the New York skyline: before and after. I think it?s to desensitize people, to try to help them accept reality. But still, STILL it feels like a bad dream.

Yesterday the weather became gloomy. After dark, it really began to pour. And in my mind, for some reason, I could see New York City very clearly, all lit up. While seeing the city in my head, and the lights of all those buildings, I could suddenly feel the most crushing grief. It?s as if I could sense or even hear thousands of people wailing. The sound went out and drifted up into the air, and my heart just went out to New York. I think, I truly believe, the grieving has now just begun. How I wish I could help! I wish I could counsel them and hug them. I can be here and pray, yes, but I wish I could speak to these people and physically be with these people. I just feel this heaviness, like it?s hard to go about the mundaneness of life when so many people are hurting so deeply.

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Saturday, September 29, 2001

Life is better but not normal. Maybe it never will be. In some ways, I hope we don?t return to the days before September 11. We were, I?m sorry, but such greedy, selfish, self-absorbed, spoiled brats. Dear God, please don?t ever let me lose my perspective again. 

There are some thoughts I am trying to put aside but it?s hard. I find myself imagining the people on those planes, and what they were thinking. Or everyone at the World Trade Center, contemplating and then jumping. Then I tell myself, "You have to stop this!" 

Last night I went to the video store. I checked out the new releases on DVD. Quickly, I became sick to my stomach. About 1 out of every 10 movies had the New York City skyline on the cover. Ghostbusters, Men in Black, Family Man, and on and on and on. I felt my eyes welling with tears and then just grew incredibly angry. How dare they? How dare they do this so that forever we have to see all of these movies and pictures of the past of how it used to be? How could they?! I ended up picking a moving I knew was filmed in Chicago.

I also kept thinking this: I can?t believe I was around for what many feel was the worst day in U.S. History. That just blows my mind. And I feel because of the events of September 11, I am forever bound to that day and the people I was with that day (I only pray there will not be more like it, but who knows?) I can just see it, one year from now; 5, 10, 25?I see myself as a middle-aged or old woman, always pausing with the country to remember that terrible day which is now only 18 days past. And no matter where I go in life, I?ll always remember all of us at 280 Chestnut Street. I?ll see in my mind my younger self as I left the bathroom and saw the people standing outside and in Conference Room 504. I won?t be able to forget, even 50 years later, Elzbieta or Sue, Jenn, Jodi, even Candace and Alberto and the HR people. Do I sound crazy or silly? Maybe. I guess I feel awful, but it is better knowing that millions of us have gone through the same thing. I guess that?s why they have support groups. 

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              <text>SEPT.11TH 2001 WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN MY SON HAD HAD APPENDIX SURGERY AND WAS TO BE RELEASED FROM THE HOSIPTAL THAT DAY SO WE HAD TURN ON THE TV TO PAST TIME UNTIL THE DOCTOR CAME IN TO RELEASE HIM AND THE FIRST THING WE SAW WAS THE FIRST PLANE CRASH INTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER AT FIRST WE THOUGHT IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT AND A LITTLE LATER ON WE SEEN THE NEXT PLANE HIT THE OTHER BUILDING OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER AND THEN WE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND AFTER WE FOUND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENENED WE WERE IN SCHOCK OUR HEARTS WENT OUT TO ALL THOSE FAMILYS FIREFIGHTERS POLICE AND EMS TRYING TO SAVE LIVES AND EVERYONE THAT TRIED TO HELP AND EVEN THOUGH MY FAMILY WASNT AFFECTED DIRECTLY THE WHOLE COUNTRY WAS IT HAS BROUGHT MY FAMILY SO MUCH CLOSER TOGETHER AND MADE US RELIZE WHAT WE REALLY MEAN TO EACH OTHER AND TO THANK GOD WE STILL HAVE ONE ANOTHER OUR HEARTS THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO EVERYONE AND THIER FAMILIES HURT INJURED AND KILLED THAT DAY A DAY THAT WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN</text>
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              <text>I was interviewing for a job when I found out about the attacks the interview committee members asked if I wanted to quit and reschedule the interview I said no, but within that moment in time I remembered that I had a friend that worked in the south building of the world trade center.  My heart sank and I had to compose myself for a moment and continue on with the interview. I learned that day that my friend was in fact one of the people that was at work during the attacks.  Unfortunately for her family and friends she was one of the  countless victims of this cowardly attack.  This day will forever bring a day of sadness and tears to my eyes.  

May God Bless all that read this

Michael J. Cooper      </text>
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              <text>i wondered if you would be interested in the poem below which i
wrote about 9/11 and which is currently on the museum of the city of new
york website.

thank you.

The Days Since

    In Union Square a shrine appears
    and then another til the place
    attracts reporters who report
    its volunteers' hard work and grace.
    A fireman with a haunted look
    sits on the bench, his eyes rimmed red.
    A woman asks him, "Coffee? Bagel?"
    Without a word he shakes his head.
    Around, a wall of Wanted posters,
    "wanted" in that other sense.
    The Missing. All so very young.
    The pictures stay up on the fence
    for weeks. For who will tear them down?
    Who'd commit that sacrilege?
    And yet one night somebody does
    when hope takes its last breath. It was
    in retrospect a far-fetched dream
    that anybody would be found
    and nursed to health when a million tons
    of stuff had crumbled to the ground.
   
    A firetruck, not red but beige
    with dust in which someone has written,
    "God bless the New York Fire Depart-
    ment." Someone else has drawn a heart.
    Across the street, the rectory
    where Father Mychal combed his hair
    (they said at his memorial)
    and raced downtown, to die in prayer.
   
   
    T-shirts needed, dogfood, boots.
    AOL provides a list,
    all obsolete. They're overwhelmed
    downtown. The chance is sorely missed
    by millions who want to help out
    and be part of this aweful thing.
    For nothing matters next to this.
    God Bless America they sing
    at services all over town,
    at meetings of the PTA,
    at school, in concert on T.V.
    they sing from sea to shining sea.
   
   
    The weeks go on and still the fire
    burns. At Fulton Street the smell
    still greets whoever's on the train
    and says, "Ascend and witness Hell."
    Upstairs the crowd stands quietly
    and takes it in. The tired cops
    sigh, "All right, move it. That's enough,"
    to tourists snapping photo ops.
    For foreigners are less appalled,
    they, never having known it when.
    Its metal's bent like willow branches.
    The church clock's stopped at five to ten.
    WTC, those letters,
    now a code for grief and fear...
    When I was studying music they
    stood for the Well-Tempered Clavier.
    A few blocks down at Trinity
    the ancient graveyard's buried, itself,
    in dust. Another poignant sign:
    Its clock is stopped at five to nine.
   
   
    Home is no relief. Indeed
    it fuels the burning energy
    that drives us to consume more facts.
    Here life is centered on T.V:
    The people falling upside-down...
    A man says he stayed in the room
    by clinging to the doorknob which
    saved him from the fierce vacuum.
    A man and woman holding hands
    fall - Lovers? Strangers? Who cares now?
    willing, finally, to greet
    Death just to get out of the heat.
    The cast of characters comes on:
    Rumsfeld, grim, tight-lipped, thank God.
    Powell and Fleischer jauntier
    as they joust with the press. It's odd
    how recent enemies are saviors,
    Giuliani, for example.
    Former wits are reverent
    towards our formerly witless President.
    No one ridicules him now.
    Indeed, he's less ridiculous.
    If he said "Pakistanians"
    now, no one would make such a fuss.
    He gears us up for what's in store.
    This is a whole new kind of war.
    The women: Paula Zahn, Queen Noor.
    At one A.M. her time, Amanpour,
    reporting from Islamabad
    in khaki, like a Sabra, say.
    "She has a son, you know." "She does?
    But where is she from, anyway?"
    "Eat dinner out! Go spend your money!"
    they tell us. "See a play; a game!
    Don't let the bastards get you down!"
    And don't buy Middle Eastern honey.
    "Be careful of suspicious mail!
    Don't touch it, move it! Leave the room!
    It could contain an anthrax powder.
    Call 911!" You can't assume
    the world's a friendly place these days.
    Despite the work of CIA,
    the FBI's half million tips,
    we're speeding to Apocalypse.
   
   
    New Yorkers soon are introduced
    to war and its accoutrements:
    Gas masks, filters, body suits,
    an omnipresent vigilance.
   
    We acquire expertise
    in germs and chemicals right quick:
    Sarin, hemorrhagic virus.
    Meanwhile, a little Arabic:
    A money system based on trust
    that leaves no trace, the East's hawala.
    Schools that feed while they instill
    a willingness to die for Allah.
    We're not so loved as we had thought.
    The world prepares for years of war
    as oppressed people rise protesting,
    "We won't take it anymore!"
    In China the disaster footage
    is seen as just another thriller,
    interspliced with scenes from films
    found on the shelf next to Godzilla.
    In Pakistan the angry mob
    protests American arrogance.
    From Malaysia to Nigeria
    many think we've had our recompense.
    Especially the Taliban
    who escort foreign journalists
    to show them what the angry mob'll
    avenge: the mile miss outside Kabul.
   
   
    Monday, P.M., to the doctor.
    After all, life must go on.
    "Oh by the way, could I have Cipro?"
    The doctor, adamantly con,
    however, thinks I am in error
    to give in to those guys whose aim
    is not just to destroy and kill
    but also to instill in us, terror.
   
   
    The city's quieter, subdued.
    " Where did everybody go?
    Will we be quarantined? Cut off?
    Do they know something we don't know?
    To leave New York, ah! There's the rub.
    And yet the first thing's to survive.
    But if we move to Canada
    I really have to learn to drive.
    I walk down to the river's edge.
    A child places a bouquet
    at a shrine outside the park where
    I used to take my son to play.
    A picture rests against the fence
    to show the viewer where the World
    Trade Center stood before that day
    when we all lost our innocence.

    Poem by Jenna Orkin

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              <text>My mother calls me for everything - drive-bys in LA, police pursuits on the 405, bad traffic on the 210 Pomona.  On 9/11 she called me to tell me to turn on the tv.  She insisted when I told her I had to get the kids ready for school. I couldn't understand what she was saying.

I turn on the tv to see the second plane hit.  I couldn't believe it.  It had to be an accident, no one would do such a horrible thing.  

Then the channel I was watching split the screen to show the Pentagon in flames.  The Pentagon?! You can't hurt the Pentagon.  Its the center of our Nation's defense.  

Then the plane crashed in Pennsylvania.

I felt as if the world had stopped. I sat on the couch with my middle daughter and watch.  I held my son's hand.  I could explain anything to them - I couldn't understand it myself.

At work several people in my department didn't make it in due to the traffic at LAX.  The rest of us surfed the internet and listen to the radio to get more information.  After work, my older girls went to the Red Cross.  We watch the continuing news casts and prayed for the missing.

On Saturday, my kids and I went to see Pat Benatar at the LA County Fair.  While we were watching the concert, the Ontario Airport was open again.  I remember crying as I watch the airplanes' lights twinkle and fly away.  The cheering of the crowd and the feeling of community was overwhelming.

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              <text>My husband and I were laying in bed listening to the KQ morning show and they were talking about something that hit the World Trade Center.  My husband and I were surprised and in disbelief so we turned on the television and sure enough the WTC was hit.  At first they didn't know if it was a bomb or what - later they figured out that it was a plane.  I was watching the TV and saw another plane hit the other tower.  We kept the television on the whole time and then as the time went on...the towers fell.  I was speechless, sad, all that I could do was pray for the families and the rescue workers that lost their lives.  Then we saw all the death tolls.  It was very depressing.  I cried all day.</text>
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              <text>My girlfriend and I were visiting her parents in New Hampshire that weekend, and as I was getting ready to head for home on the morning of September 11, her father turned on the news. The first plane had struck the tower just a few moments earlier; at first we thought it was one of those "what if?" disaster shows. Then we thought it was a hoax. Then we realized it was neither.

I had left the Marine Corps in 1999 but I was still in the inactive reserves, and I knew I needed to get back to New York. I woke my girlfriend and we left within fifteen minutes, driving south as fast as possible. We listened to the radio the whole way down, weaving in and out of traffic and driving on the shoulder to make better time. The confusion was incredible: more planes were missing, there were reports of bombs being detonated elsewhere, and nobody knew who had done it or what was next. The drive seemed to take forever. 

The rest of the afternoon I stayed at home and waited for the Marines to call me up. I didn't hear anything, so I got a few hours' sleep, put on my utility uniform, and left Orange County for Manhattan. The Palisades Parkway was closed down at exit 2 or 3, but I showed them my ID and they waved me through the roadblocks. I continued south, the only other car near me a white van being driven by a sailor in uniform. The toll booths were deserted at the George Washington Bridge. We were the only two cars in sight. We crossed the bridge alone, and as fast as we could, still not knowing whether that would be the next target. 

On the far side of the bridge, I passed through a few more roadblocks and was directed to an Army Reserve armory in Harlem. They didn't know what to do with this lone Marine, but they soon brought out their commanding officer. I wish I could remember his name, but when you're a corporal, a colonel is just "sir". We went back to my car and he rode with me to the Bloomberg Building, where a makeshift command post had been set up. I parked in an alley a few blocks north of Canal Street.

At the command post, a confusing (and confused) mix of National Guardsmen, reservists, cadets, and veterans were trying to figure out an organized way to approach the Trade Center. For a short time, they had us doing nothing but directing traffic on the West Side Highway, sorting out spectators from emergency vehicles. Mostly, the officers stood around and argued about the right way to proceed. A few hours later, I approached a fellow veteran (this one an Army specialist who had been in Haiti) and told him I was heading down. We both had some training in search and rescue, neither of us was officially on the books, and neither of us was accountable to the officers. We had had enough bureaucracy and decided just to go it alone. 

We walked south together, through the barricades and into the cloud. It's impossible to fully describe the scene, and photos just can't do it justice. Cars overturned, fire trucks smashed by debris, the air filled with concrete dust and smoke. The smell is the strongest memory for me, like wet cement and raw meat. It's just something that can't be properly passed on to future generations. 

After an eternity, we found our way to the American Express building and met up with other loose teams of rescue workers. They handed us hard hats and gloves and we went to work on the bucket brigades on the north side of the Winter Garden, still under the illusion that there might be survivors somewhere below us. Although most of the debris was just sludge and bits of building material, I was struck by the amount of little plastic caster wheels from the bottoms of desk chairs. No chairs, just the wheels. Thousands upon thousands of them. All I kept thinking was that every few wheels represented a person who had been at a desk in those towers. The closest we came to finding survivors during my short time there was when we recovered two mostly-intact bodies. Most of what we found was no more than blood-soaked scraps of clothing.

Sometimes they would have us run for cover when it looked like a collapse was imminent. At one point I heard the distinct sound of a nozzle being knocked off of a container with contents under pressure; I looked up to see ten or fifteen of the biggest construction workers you've ever seen running towards me with terror on their faces, and I turned and ran right along with them. A moment later it turned out that the tank was carbon dioxide, not acetylene or some other explosive, and we all had a nervous but much-needed laugh at our little stampede. 

At some point (I believe it was night) we uncovered an American flag. It wasn't the famous one you see in all the paintings and photos. This one was real. This one wasn't just tattered; it was torn to pieces. Most of it was gone, but there was still one star left on the field of blue, and one of the workers who dug it up said it was New York's star, a sign that we would make it through. We all cheered, and taped it to a wall to watch over us. It was a really stirring moment, one that was just for those of us who were there. A month or two later when I found myself there again, the tape remained but the flag itself was gone. I hope someone has it in a frame somewhere, and I hope it's the guy who inspired us all that night. Probably not.

There was an incredible outpouring of support from the community, both at the Trade Center and beyond the barricades. People donated food, drinks, and blankets. They handed out pins and flowers. It was a long walk out when my time there was over, and it was strange because people were taking my picture and thanking me and shaking my hand, and I didn't feel like I had done anything. There was still so much left to do, so many missing and so many dead, and it seemed like whatever I did there was useless. I know people who were at home felt useless, and I know people who were thousands of miles away wanted to be with us, but I can tell you that even right there in the middle of it, that feeling of helplessness didn't let up. Nobody down there felt any pride. Nobody felt like they were making a difference. 

I went back to "Ground Zero" a few years later, and I was amazed at the progress they had made there. The spot where I had worked is now a perfectly manicured lawn in front of a beautiful visitors' center. What had been a devastated parking lot is now surrounded by a baseball field and a bike path. It made me feel great to see that kind of healing. Not everything I saw made me smile, though. The rows of vendors selling T-shirts and Twin-Towers shaped cookies along the fence made me want to scream. Same with the people walking past who had the audacity to talk about something else, or laugh at some private joke, or grin for a photo in front of the footprints. It has the beginnings of a tourist trap, and that kills me inside. It shouldn't, I guess, but it does.

I want to thank all those who got off their asses and did something - anything - that day, and in the days that followed. Every little bit was appreciated, and helped someone carry on just a little longer. I wish I could have done more. I think we all do.</text>
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