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              <text>This is meant as an addition to my earlier story, submitted yesterday, as I now realize that I neglected to include one of the most touching experiences I had volunterring down at Ground Zero. 

For days and nights, I worked serving meals to the uniformed services men and women, who worked around the clock down at Ground Zero. In the beginning, they would walk into the restaurant where I was volunteering, covered in debris and dust, not wanting to make conversation, wanting to sit alone and try to grasp the magnitude of what they were witnessing day in day out. All I could do was serve them some food, offer them coffee, tea, a cold drink to go, clean up their place, and move on to clean up for the next shift. At times, there were police officers,NPYD detectives, FEMA workers, traffic cops lined up in a steady stream out the door and onto Canal Street.

The amazing thing for me was how appreciative they were that we were there to help THEM. These people were so selfless, so giving, so into helping out down at this tragic site. 

They insisted on tipping me.....which I refused, time and again. I repeatedly told them this was the least I could do for them....that they spent their days and nights trying to help people just like myself...not just on 9-011, but every day......they were incredulous. 

One big, burly police officer was adament that I take his LARGE tip (the tip was almost as huge as the man himself!). I told him to please keep his money, though the gesture was greatly appreciated, and take his wife and/or girlfriend out one night. He persisted, and I resisted. Finally, he placed his flashlight, which he used to try and help find victims in the rubble, into my hand and said that he insisted that I take this instead.....and that I should keep it with me so that at least he knew that if I was ever in a building that lost power or had a tragic event such as that at the WTC, that at least he would know I could have a chance to find my way out of that building. 

A touching moment that will never leave me...the flashlight remains front and center on my bedroom bureau, right next to a framed picture given to me by a police sargent I also met volunteering down at Ground Zero.....it had been computer generated by the NYPD for their own people....and the NYFD and port authority police officers.....a skyline of lower manhattan at night...with the two towers standing; on one, a flag draped the height of one tower; the other, covered with NYPD, NHFD, NYPA logos running down its height; underneath, "Remember the Heroes," and the date; at the bottom, a police officer and a fire department officer, in full uniform, and in silhouette. Two of the items I treasure most in my life...and I always will.</text>
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              <text>September 11th

	On September 11th, 2001 a huge tragedy occurred in the United States of America.  I came to school and it felt like a normal day until I walked into my Global Studies class 3rd period.  My teacher Mrs. Capen had the television on but I paid little attention to it because I didn't think that anything was going on.  I went and sat down and started to watch it and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Both of the World Trade Centers were going up in flames and smoke.
	At 8:45 a.m. American Airlines flight # 11 that was coming from Boston Massachusetts crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Centers and then it exploded on impact with the tower.  Then at 9:03 a.m., United Airlines flight # 175 that was coming from Boston, Massachusetts crashed into the south tower of the World Trade Centers and that plane also exploded on contact with the tower.  Now both of the towers are on fire and there are people running all over.  It was a very tragic moment for many Americans.
	At 9:43 a.m. American Airlines flight # 77 crashed into the Pentagon, and took out the one side of it.  After all of these terrorist attacks occurred there were people rushing all over and most all building were being evacuated and businesses were shutting down and New York City was mostly shut down.  It was a very big deal that all of the big places and big buildings were evacuating.  All of these places were doing this because of more possible terrorist attacks.  Immediately I started to hope that my entire family and my entire friends were okay and that nothing bad happened to them.  Flight # 77 had 58 passengers aboard and 6 crewmembers that were also on the plane.  I didn't know how to act when this all started because it was so sad, and I couldn't believe that four planes were hijacked.
	At 9:45 a.m. the White House was evacuated.  I think that it was a good idea that they did that, just in case of terrorist attacks on the White House.  While the White House was being evacuated President George Bush was doing a speech in Sarasota, Florida about the terrorist attacks in New York City.
	At 10:28 a.m. the north tower of the World Trade Centers collapse from the top to the bottom.  When the tower collapsed there was clouds of dust and debris that took over the streets of New York City.  The total amount of people that were killed in both of the towers collapsing was 2,823.  That is very sad and devastating to know that that many people died form this tragedy.
	At 12:15 p.m. Canada and Mexico shut down their borders with the United States.  They did this so no one could come into the U.S. and they also did it so no one could leave the United States. 
	A lot of people didn't know what to do or what to think, because they didn't know who planned this attack or why they did it.  All they knew what that the World Trade Centers and the Pentagon were attacked by terrorists.  Everything was getting shut down and canceled.  Everything from baseball games, football games, local bingo games, and many other community things were canceled.  Some of the things that were getting shut down were airports, malls, and most stores.  Rudolph Giuliani made the statement that all New Yorkers should stay home on the day after the attacks happened.  
	In addition to both of the towers of the World Trade Center collapsing, the portion of the Pentagon that was hit, collapsed also.  September 11th was one of the most devastating days that has happened since the bombing of Pearl Harbor.  September 11th will be remembered forever.
	A tragedy like September 11th should never be forgotten because when something like this happens it should be marked in history.  Late that night after the terrorist attacks the U.S. found out that it was Osama Bin Laden that planned out all of these attacks.  After the U.S. found out we started to go over there and bomb Afghanistan to try and find Bin Laden.  So far that we know of we haven't found Bin Laden yet.
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              <text>It was about 9:30 a.m. and Caroline and I were still asleep. The phone rang, Caroline answered it, and then said "Oh my god!" I sat up as she turned on the tv. The pictures were incomprehensible. Both planes had already hit the WTC Buildings. The Pentagon had been hit too, but there was no mention. As we sat silently in our room, pieces began coming together. Finally, the phrase "America Under Attack" was used on the news channels. That might have been the point when everything seemed too real instead of incomprehensible. We attend school 20 miles from Washington, D.C., and there were reports that there were still missing planes. That's when I started making phone calls. I first called my dad who traveled often. He was safe, but his plane had been re-routed from Reagan National Airport to Greensboro, N.C. I called family all over the country to let them know I was OK. I didn't go to any classes that day, or the next. Instead, i camped out at a friend's house and watched the news for 48 hours straight with people that mean a lot to me. It's sad, but it usually takes something with an unthinkable magnitude to make you think about what's important. The outpouring in the D.C. area, and the whole country, was phenominal. It made me feel so great to see flags flying everywhere. </text>
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              <text>On the morning of September 11,2001, I was getting ready to take my 10 month old son to the doctor when I turned on the T.V, and was horrified at what I seen. At first I didn't know what to think, and when I seen the second plane crash into the other tower I remember thinking to myself how could this happen. I know that I was miles and miles away from the World Trade Centers, but it made me wanted to call all of my family just to let them know that I loved them. As I was going through town you could see that the whole town was griveing, and shocked with horror in their eyes for what just happened. When I got out of the doctors office I went by to see my husbun at work, and I remeber hugging him and my son and not wanting to let go. I feel deeply sorry for all of the people who have lost loved ones in this tragedy that has happen in our home land, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I prayed for the day of September 11,2001 and I still do to this very day one year later.</text>
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              <text>Im a production worker,while at work that morning someone from the office came running out on to the production floor yelling about an airplane that had accidentally hit one of the Twin Towers.Everyone stopped working and filed into the confrence room where there was a tv set we allwere watching when the 2nd plane hit the other tower.When we heard that the pentigon was also attacked I called my wife to see if she heard.She was crying and told me that her nephew was working there at the pentigon he's with Naval Intelligence.
My heart sank even lower, and as we saw the images of distruction I felt sick as if the wholr world was coming to an end.As we continued to watch we heard of yet another plane apparently high jacked had crashed in Pa.God I thought whats happening how can this be?Then I began to worry for our nephew Charlie M.(I'll leave out his last name for security purposes)was he alive and well.It turned out he was not working that day thank God.It still haunts my family that terrible day even though none of us were actually harmed the pain of others is felt in our hearts.
   I still am worried 1 year later every time I put my kid on the bus for school or leave for work. Its not like Im living in constant fear but the thought of terrorism is real now very real....
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              <text>I first would like to extend my prayers to the families that lost loved ones on this tragic day. We had waited for so long to take our three children to Disney.  On Tuesday September 11 we were up bright and early.  We decided it was the day we were going to go to Epcot.  It was just before lunch time and we had enter into one of the rides.  As everyone who has been to Disney knows that all rides end in a gift shop.  We got to our turn for the ride, entered the doors and the next thing we knew we were in the gift shop.  We were with a couple that lived in England.  They told us that they had been on this ride the day before and this is not how it works.  When we exited the gift shop there was an employee of Disney that told us that they were closing the park.  We asked if it was just Epcot or all of the parks.  We were told that the only thing that would remain open were the resorts.  When we asked what was going on all we were told is that it was a national emergency.  You can imagine what it was like getting all of those people out of the park.  When we got to the car and turned on the radio we couldn't believe what we were hearing.  We returned to our cabin and were glued to the TV.  When we heard that a plane had gone down in rural PA we were very concerned.  At that time we started calling home to check on everyone.  We only live about 50 miles from that site.  Even our children were very somber.  They had everything open at the resorts such as pools and game rooms.  You saw nobody in those areas when you did go to get something to eat.  Everyone was gathered around TV's to get the most updated information.  After we found out that Disney had been on their list of places to attack it really made you wonder if they hadn't of grounded all the planes if there would have been more freedom loving people would have lost their lives.  The changes the next day in security we needed but it really showed you how we lost some of our freedom.  We then had to fly home on Saturday.  We didn't even know until late Friday evening if we were even going to get to go home.  Again the security increase and the somber feeling at the airport was easliy seen.  I was never so relieved to land in Pittsburgh as I was that night.
The Bakaysa Family
Cherry Tree, PA</text>
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One year later I still cry when I hear the stories about the people who have died.  Everyday I pray more than ever to keep my family safe.</text>
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              <text>I was at home watching t.v. when the show went off and it was announced that the World Trade Center had been hit. I went into shock and started to cry it was to hard to believe. As a child I visited the World Trade Center, I stood at the top and looked out at what seemed to be the rest off the world. It was horrible to know that my son could not do the same. I thought of all the people in those building and airplanes and prayed to God that those people would survive. The next few days the whole world had changed. I lived 10 miles from McGuire AFB and 30 from Philadelphia they did not know where that last plane was going it was very scary. New Jersey shut down that day many people from here worked in the city and many died. My brother who is in the NAvy was outside of Washington DC that day protecting us as my father and so many others had in the past. Until that day "A day that will live in infamy" was learned in history books or talked about by our grandparents who would have believed that there would be one for the new millenium and a whole new generation. The poeple who died were not millitary it was not there job to die for this country, but they are heroes. September 11th was our nation's darkest yet brightest day. Our country was pulled together and united in ways I had never seen. We were brought together instead of pulled apart. 
GOD BLESS AMERICA</text>
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Has your life changed because of September 11,2001? If so,tell us how.
  You stop and think about your safety and security sometimes. You realize that life is short.
What do you think should be remembered about September 11th?
  I think people should remember what a terrible tragedy it was and remember all the people who died.
Did you fly an American flag after the events of September 11th?Have you feelings about the American flag changed as a result of September 11th?
  I have always flown the American flag. I feel more patriotic than ever.</text>
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              <text>The following is a journal entry written on the exact day of September 11, 2001:

.Explosions.

SEPTEMBER 11 2001.

I guess this is our "Kennedy". Where were YOU on the morning of September eleventh, two thousand one?

	I was in history class, third hour when I found out. I walked in and the TV was on. Considering it was a history class I didn't think this was too terribly out of the ordinary (I mean, compared to somethin? like math or Spanish or whatever), and I didn't really pay that much attention at first (I'm not a large TV person, much less news). Everyone else seemed to be pretty attentive to it though, so after not too long I went over to check it out. They were showing footage of a building with a lot of smoke and fire coming out of it. For a while actually I thought it was old video footage (?cause the Trade Center had been bombed before this), but when they started saying things about late breaking news I started to get the picture.

	It actually took me a bit of time before I really started to pick up on all of the implications (I'd been sorta preoccupied with a math test of earlier in the morning). My first thought was just, "what is this going to do to international relations?" (Admittedly a valid one, but still not one that I'm all together proud of). Then they started talking about one of the towers collapsing (it was just speculation at this point), and also somewhere around this time they told us about the Pentagon as well. They hadn't told us any numbers yet, but my math brain started working, and that sorta set off a chain reaction. I knew how big the Pentagon was (a mile in circumference) and the Trade Center was obviously a very big building (actually I had thought it was only something like 80 or 90 stories, but I guess it's 110). I looked at my watch, and at first thought that things were more or less ok, but then I realized that the East Cost is on the same time zone as us, that this right now was during the work day, that all of those buildings would have been filled with people.

	So yeah, I had the unfortunate luck not only to have a brain that at least reasonably quickly rang up some very disturbing estimates (which were actually on the low side, I estimated that there would only be something like 20,000 in the trade center [one hundred floors {I rounded up from my estimation} with a couple hundred people on each floor], but now I hear it's 50 plus), but also that annoying little empathy thing. So yeah, I pretty much lost it at that point and started sobbing (it got even worse when reports came in of another attack [it appears though that this one didn't actually happen]). Eventually the teacher noticed and sent me off to the bathroom. Yeah, high school bathrooms aren't the very nicest place in the world to cry in (and it wasn't my first time either). The worst part about it is how when you're the only person in there it echos about, so the sound of your own sobs comes back to you; wrapping around you like the promise of a comforting arm only to turn out to be your own misery come back to punish you.
	At some point one of the hall monitor people came and took me off to the guidance office. Scott was busy, but really, even though I see him at least somewhat frequently, it's always just for business stuff, so it's not like I had any emotional attachment to him or anything. So yeah, I ended up with Maggie Miller. She seemed pretty nice and such, I don't know, I mean, she's a school councilor, you've pretty much got to be a good person to be that sort of a profession. So yeah, I sorta calmed down there and talked for a bit with her (my heart really goes out to her, ?cause her daughter in law works in the building right next to the trade center), then some other girl named Audrey (looked vaguely familiar) came in, equally distraught and the three of us talked for a while. Then Maggie had to go off to a meeting so the two of us headed back to class.

	I got back with maybe five minutes or somethin' left in history class. By that time it was confirmed that the one tower had indeed collapsed, and the other had just followed suit. I took my estimations (which had been something around 1,500 people dead) and doubled them. I just about broke down again, but I realized that would be pretty pointless so I refrained from doing so. I went to band next hour, but as soon as I got in the room and realized that Barry was having us march (a lot of people don't realize this, but at heart he really is a good person. However, I have been on more than one occasion extremely disappointed in him and his lack of sensitivity [he makes people cry on at least a semi-regular basis], and this was one such time). So yeah, I looked around to see if Kim was there (she's probably the most similar person in the school I know of in terms of the whole empathy issue [most people didn't really get it how I could be so incredibly upset if I didn't know anyone directly in the attack]), but she wasn't (I later learned that she had gone home for a while). So yeah, I went straight from band back to the guidance office.

	There were three or four people watching a TV in there, so I just sorta sat down with them for a while. Oh god, watching that footage of the tower collapsing, no one else quite seemed to realize the implications of that, that we were watching video tape of people being murdered. Every millimeter that this big black tower went down on our TV was some scared person being crushed to death as the floor fell out from beneath them and the sealing crashed down on them (just think about that for a bit, think about what the feeling is like when you unexpectedly fall, our nervous systems are wired to tell us that is a VERY BAD thing, and they produce an according reaction of shock and terror. Now think about being stuck inside a building, explosions have gone off, you don't know what's happening, you've felt the building shake like it's in an earthquake. You're scared out of your mind, trying to find a way out. The building shakes again, you start to feel the floor move underneath you, pieces of ceiling are falling down all around you so you crawl under a nearby desk for cover. All of a sudden you get that falling sensation, your nervous system goes into full panic alert just in time for it to all sink in before a piece of concrete the size of your torso comes crashing down onto you. Your head is hit first, killing you instantly so that your head now looks like one of the deflated basketballs. As your body falls it gets twisted and mutilated beyond recognition. Twelve days later, due to lack of complete evidence dental records are inconclusive, but they tell your wife that they believe that they've at least found pieces of your body amongst the rubble.

	They say empathy is feeling other's pain, and that's exactly what it is. Stories like that only far more vivid than I can convey at this point went through my head at a dozen a second every time I saw footage of one of the towers going down, or of the planes crashing into them.

	You live and work in Boston along with your two little kids. Your husband has been away on a trip on the West coast, and now you're going out to join him for a family vacation. Even though they try to hide it, your kids are somewhat nervous because this is their first time flying. You manage to calm them down, and they actually start to get a little excited about the prospects of being up in the air as well as getting to see Daddy and go on a vacation. You've only just gotten over the drama of your kids dealing with the pressure change and their ears hurting when you see several men walking quickly up the aisles towards the front of the plane. About a minute later a man comes on over the intercom, speaking in broken English, saying that the plane has been hijacked and that everyone on it must do exactly what they say or else they will be killed.
	The plane then makes a sharp turn and starts rapidly descending. After not too long you are able to see out of your window that you are approaching downtown New York. Someone behind you says something about heading straight towards a building. You look out and can see two large towers rapidly approaching. You slowly start to realize what is happening, and realization starts to sink in. The people around you are scared and confused and although your youngest daughter can't completely understand everything that's going on, she most definitely does not like it. She starts screaming loudly and one of the men demands that she be shut up. You try your best but have only limited success. The next thing you know she's been grabbed from your arms and the man has sent a knife up through her chin into her brain, killing her. You scream as the now limp body of your daughter falls upon your lap and you hardly notice the voice on the intercom talking about a great victory as the plane crashes into the building and you are instantly killed.

	You own your own business and work out of your apartment, only ten minutes from downtown. Just as you are starting your work day you get a call that the volunteer fire department that you are a part of is calling on all of it's members. Something very bad has happened at the Trade Center and they want you there immediately. Your boyfriend pleads with you not to go, but you feel a sense of duty calling you nonetheless, you know that people may be in danger and that you might be able to help them. 
	You arrive on the scene and your coordinating officer tells you that there's been a very large explosion but that they're looking for survivors in the rubble. You head in, the debris in the air is so thick that you can barely see in front of you, but you can hear someone's cries to your right. You start heading towards them, shouting that you're coming. As you get closer the cries get louder, you're almost there. You trip on an unseen obstacle and fall down, painfully cutting your hand and arm on yet another unseen peril. You struggle to get up, but realize that you're getting steadily weaker as your body is unable to get enough oxygen through all of the dust, and smoke which is now filling the air. Yet still you push on, knowing if only you can get to the person you're trying to rescue, maybe just maybe you'll be able to do something. You give it everything you've got and then some, but your vision is closing in and you suddenly find yourself on the ground again. As you draw you final breath you realize not only that you will die, but that so will the person now so close to you, and that you have failed.


	Dozens, literally dozens of these went through my head, in perfect detail just as if I had been there living them myself. I have a powerful mind which usually is a good thing, but right here the immense capacity to be processing these things at a blinding pace was in no way a friend of mine. I could go on for days writing these down, stories from every side of the event, every perspective. I could publish a book of them. But what would be the point? These aren't just stories, that although they were made up solely in my head, I can guarantee that every one of them is not too far off from an actual story. Like the holocaust thing where you give them all sorts of personal information about yourself and you get a card, telling all about someone exactly like you who was murdered.

	Really, I have a lot of things I could write about right now. I've only barely scratched the surface on describing my emotional condition, I haven't finished talking about my day. I could talk about all of the bad things that are going to come of this, how this was only the start, how so many more innocent people will now be persecuted. I could talk about all the good things, how even in the face of this unexplainable act human goodness will still shine through. I could talk about all of the implications of this, what it will mean for my life and the lives of everyone around me. I could talk about half a dozen things at least, each one of them as extensive as this whole journal entry has been so far.

	And yet, my life goes on, and whether I like it or not I have responsibilities if I want to keep things on their general course. My life goes on, even if it doesn't for thousands of people, even if for tens of thousands things would be better if their's didn't, easier, less painful. In the face of all of that, my life goes on, and the only scars I will take away from this will be those in my mind. My life goes on, and I know that if I ever hope to find peace with all of this, the only way to do so will be to take every part of hate that's been thrown into this world, and throw back two parts of love in return. Because really, that's the only thing I can do. 

I'll write more when I'm able to.


-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------


This was written a few hours after the first entry on September 11, 2001:

.Fighting Back.

September 11. 2001.

	I've decided that I do indeed want to take efforts to fight back. I'm not precisely sure as to what I'll do. A lot of people are giving blood and there's a very great need for that. I wonder if I'd be able to get away with lying about my age and sexuality to do that (perhaps they'd be less tight at a time like this). Not sure though, that seems uncertain. Some people on the listserve were talking about actually going over to New York, but that really just isn't possible for me at this point in my life. It seems though that there should be some sort of aid organization around here that I'd be able to do something through. And if not, well, I suppose there's always the option of making one. That's a lot of work though, a lot of resources, not positive whether it would really be a viable option to do that or not. Whatever the way though, I am determined to do something to fight back, to show the world what really happens when you try to use hate and violence. Show the world that the human capacity for love is greater than any other force on the planet, and like Mahatma Gandhi said, "nonviolence is more powerful than the most potent weapon of destruction devised by mankind."


-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------


This is a reflection which I wrote on September 10, 2002:

.Reverberations.

September 10, 2002

	It didn't really hit me until today, the real significance of the impending (good word for this situation) approach of the anniversary of the terrorist attacks last year. It's 'cause I've been preoccupied with thinking about Iraq, I believe. I've been thinking about the 130% increase in the mortality rate of children under the age of five there since the US imposed sanctions (I refute the notion that they were imposed by the UN). I've been thinking about how with around 100,000 child deaths per year, it's quite probably that we've been killing somewhere in the range of 50,000 of those children every year, for ten years straight (kinda puts the 3,000 people killed in the world trade center attacks in a little bit more perspective). I've been wondering how, as my brother says "dropping bombs for peace again" is going to help the Iraqi people if we aren't even willing to treat them like human beings in the first place. I've been wondering how many more Afghanistans, Iraqs, El Salvadors, Columbias, Vietnams, Berlins, Hiroshimas we're going to destroy in the name of "bringing stability to the world" (rough translation being, knock everyone else to the ground 'cause when you're lying on your back you've got a low center of gravity and are therefore stable- yeah! Great logic George W.!)

	Today in AP gov we watched a documentary about the attacks (what's it with social sciences classes and terrorist attacks?). It was one made by some French film makers, apparently it was pretty famous (though I of course hadn't heard of it before). I guess for a lot of people, it might not have been as shocking 'cause they'd already seen footage of the towers many, many times on television, but for me, since I haven't watched TV in the past two years, this was the first time since September 11th last year that I saw that footage (and consequently I was not in the least bit num to it). 
	I found it to be an extremely difficult (and painful) experience to watch all of that again and have all of my emotions from this time last year come back to me. My mind still sees everything in a very personal perspective. When I watched video footage of the planes crashing into the buildings, I didn't think in terms of a massive projectile hitting a stationary object, I thought in terms of several hundred airline passengers spending their last minutes in terror, I thought in terms of people watching their coworkers being incinerated alive. What's more, I didn't think just in terms of the people, I thought in terms of the individuals, what it was like for them. 
	I believe that is how my mind works. I really believe that there are statistics which are far beyond the realm of human comprehension. Speaking from the perspective of a person who has spent the past two and a half years trying (with the inevitably incomplete success) to comprehend the death of one person (albeit my best friend), I just don't see how it's even remotely possible for the human mind to fathom 3,000 deaths in the trade center attacks, or 500,000 Iraqi children dying of disease and starvation, or 8,000,000 Jewish people dying in the holocaust, or 1,000,000 massacred in the conflict between Hutus and Tutsis. I don't think it's really possible to say things like the holocaust was 8 times worse than what happened in Rwanda because the human mind simply cannot comprehend numbers of that stature.
	What my mind does instead is to personalize it all. I might not be able to understand a nation, a community, a building being destroyed, but I can at least come close to understand a person or a family being destroyed. And so that's what my mind does, it puts names and faces onto the nameless and faceless masses. It's not the sort of thing which is bad, or good, or anything like that, it's just how I happen to work.
	I wasn't able to make it through the whole video (if I would have stayed I just would have started crying and would have needed to leave anyway, so I didn't see much point). The part that put it over the top for me was when they had the footage from the first floor of the towers (before they fell down) and then in the background you just started seeing all of these things falling down, and they weren't rubble, but people, and every time you heard a thunk (they were quite loud) it was another person dying, right there, on video tape. I don't understand how the other people could have stayed though. Watching a video tape of human beings getting murdered....how can people watch things like that? It doesn't seem possible to me that they could, it blows my mind. The only explanation that I can offer is that they must not be fully comprehending what they're watching, that they're seeing people just like them die, because I don't believe that any person who really comprehended the significance of watching another person die could stand to witness it. I left the room though. After seeing something like that in real life, the appeal of watching it on video footage drops directly to zero.
	And so yeah, I guess I am finding out that I'm perhaps still a little more raw about the whole incident than I thought I was. It still does seem just about as real now as it did last year, just as real and just as disturbing. As with last year I'm also very disturbed about what we're about to do to another country (last year was Afghanistan, this year is Iraq, oh god, what will be next?), but as with last year, the concern and anguish I feel over what we're doing to other people in no way lessen the way I feel about what was done to us. Both are horrendous acts of evil and both go beyond my scope of comprehension.
	Therefore I'm left with much the same mix of emotions I had around this time last year, horror both for what has happened and what will happen. They're calling for everyone to wear patriotic colors tomorrow. I don't feel I can do that though. Therefore I'm going to wear all black with a tee-shirt bearing the quote from the Qur'an

"He who saves one life,
Has saved the whole world. 
He who has killed a human being 
Has killed all mankind"

Black is for mourning because that is the emotion I feel most attuned with. I certainly don't feel swept up in a patriotic fervor. Such a show of solidarity and community seem at best meaningless to me (because what they are solidarity for is not specifically defined) and at worst alarming (because of what some people might define them as). Although I do feel things like horror and outrage that I was describing above, they really aren't my prevailing emotion.
	My prevailing emotion is sorrow; sorrow and mourning. I mourn for all of the innocent people of this world who have died unjustly and I feel sorrow for dark depths that the human condition and heart can sink to (though I do still staunchly maintain my faith in overall human goodness)I feel the quote is appropriate because it's not specific or one sided, I'm not condemning any one side, I'm saying that all killing is equally wrong. And yet at the same time, it offers the glimmer of hope which I feel is essential in times like this. When faced with the question of how we're supposed to respond to the deaths of more people than we can comprehend, it gives a very simple, clear, relevant and most importantly applicable answer. I cannot understand all of the evil in this world anymore than I have power to stop it all. What I can do though is just to do all of the good that I can in my world, and somehow, I have faith, that will be enough.
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Subsequent Reflection

Every year, I dread the September 11 anniversary. I didn't lose any family or friends that horrific day, but I lost all security.  When I read the news, even before 9/11, I remembered that saying, by a philosopher a hundred years ago, "Do you not realize my son, with what little wisdom this world is run?" 
I pray the enemy has even less wisdom than we have.
I pray our arrogance does not lend to too much stupidity and complacency.
I pray our generations are up to this challenge, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. 
We had demonstrated, before this event, a generation of incredible self-centeredness. We worry over pop culture, our own financial bottom lines, and anything within our own households, or country. Anything, as long as it is salacious and "sexy" or just impacts our own little world. 
We are divisive, and mind numbingly repetitive, over the minutest details of the minutiae. 
We tend to over emphasize the idea of "might makes right" and we feel mighty indeed. Even the events of 9/11, while shaking our foundation, literally, has not lessened this quality. 
You would think the opposite would happen. 
19 sub-humans, with a fanatic belief in hate and death, changed our world. They did it with box-cutter's and makeshift bombs. Simple, effective, deadly.
We responded with bombs, missiles, and high-fives. 
We remain in danger, from the simpler weapons. But, remember, smaller weapon responses by us, does not net the enormous financial rewards demanded by the Defense Department. Smaller target defense, does not gain the incredible press coverage.
And lets not forget the bipartisanism. While conventional wisdom tells us the enemy is out there, we find it easier, and less bloody, to fight each other. 
The True Enemy exploits this, and always has. 
We fight a costly, and futile war, which devastates lives, and diverts resources, and will continue as long as it remains important to one administrations "credibility". On the other hand, with all those soldier's lives in the balance, this messy country replay's again, the divisions of the 60's. "Those that forget the past, are condemned to repeat it?" 
In the immediate aftermath, we held hands, sang and cried together. The enemy was straightforward then. As straightforward as anytime since WW 2. 
Then we started "thinking". The apologists began apologizing. The pacifists began rationalizing, The Democrats began sniping. The Republicans began spending. And the Jihadists, those fanatical killers, have kept to the plan.
We don't even know what that plan entails.
Sure, we haven't had an attack like this since 9/11. Should we be proud? Relieved? Consider ourselves lucky? I'm afraid this country, will not unite, will not focus, and will not quit dividing, until we lose a city. That's right, a city. Then and only then will this country cohece. This is not new behavior, but damaging nonetheless. I see 9/11 a wake-up call we have only partly comprehended.
And this is why I feel very little change in security. We simply don't have the infrastructure at this time to understand. And our leaders remain committed to their party's pet slogans. The Republicans state the Democrats unpatriotic. The Democrats state any Republican is unintelligent. The American citizen is in danger. 
These are my thoughts on the fifth anniversary of September 11.
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              <text>     The news of September 11, 2001, came to a shock to me.  I was sitting in my last period math class when our teacher told us that something terrible had happened to our country.  With what little our teacher had told us, my classmates and I suspected something was terribly wrong.  As I walked home from school, I tried to think of what could have happened to our country.  I coulndn't even find words for my racing mind.  When I got home, my mom and stepdad were both home. It was usual for my mom to be home.  She was pregnant with my baby sister.  My mom and stepdad told me that we were going to the hospital, we tried to make sense of this tragedy but coouldn't find words.  At the hospital, I watched the television, just watching with sadness and disbelief.  I remember watching the planes going into the towers over and over again.  Just watching the former New York Mayor and waiting for updates on who had died and what was going to happen later.  I also watched the Pentagon and the field in Pennsylvania just waiting for something else to happen.  As time ticked away, I hoped with everything that my sister wouldn't be born on September 11.  As the time got later and the day grew darker, I went home with my grandparents, and my mom told me she would call me when my sister was born.  Luckily she was born September 12, 2001.  
    Although my life has not changed dramitcally since September 11th, I have become more aware now, and my level of safeness has decreased.  I was affected because my cousin works in Pennsylvania and we didn't know if he was o.k.  I was affected by the Anthrax that was going around because my uncle works in the post office so, in that sense, I was affected with what was going on around me after September 11.  Anthrax is a white powdery substance that is biologically made and when it is inhaled, it could kill the person.  Since Anthrax was being sent through the mail, my uncle was in danger of being infected with Anthrax.  Things that happened around me after September 11 affected my life.
    We should remember that the U.S. was carless.  Therefore, we got hurt.  I also think so many people died because we didn't have enough security.  With the mistakes that happened, it shouldn't happen again.  I think the men and woman , firefighters, police officers and EMT's that helped will be remembered forever.  The victims who risked their lives to lose their own and save other people will also be remembered.  
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              <text>(I am an International student from Great Britain and I am studying English and Psychology at a small college in Toledo, Ohio. I have been here 4 years and think of the States as my second home. My parents and my sister live here, and now I am married to an American(May 4th 2002) so I have all the people I love dearly in this country).
After my frist class of the day,I got into my car to drive to the other side of campus for my second class. I had left the radio on and the first thing I heard was, "The tower is in a ball of flames and there are bodies falling through the sky." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought someone was playing a sick joke over the radio station, so I clicked to a different station but I listened to the same hell all again; bodies flying out of the tower and flames everywhere. I felt sick and I thought at the time that a bomb had gone off. I didn't know about the plane crashing into the tower and the second one hadn't hit yet. I parked and didn't know whether I should keep listening to the news and be late for class, or not disappoint the professor by showing up late. I decided to go to class to see if any of the students were any wiser on the situation than I was. 
College was abnormally quiet. What I didn't know was that most of the students and teachers were huddled around television sets in offices and the cafeteria. I went into class and everyone just looked stunned. I asked a few of the people I sat near what was going on and they told me an aeroplane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers in New York. I thought I was going to vomit, my stomach just turned circles. The reason being was that my Dad often flew to various cities around the U.S for business. I got up from my seat, grabbed my car keys and ran to my cellphone in my car, thinking over and over in my head, "Please God let him be in the office, let him be in the office." I frantically dialed his number and spoke to his secretary, who informed me he was safe in the building in Toledo and that my sister had also called. I called home, but my Mum was still out with the horses and I don't think she even knew that world was turning upside down.
I went back to my classroom and the teacher was already there telling everyone ehat she knew. It was then that one of the other late students came running in yelling, "There's a second plane, it went right through the other tower!!' The teacher told us that we could all leave and go home to watch the television. I don't remember driving home and when I watched television it was like watching a horribly realistic movie. I will never forget where I was when I heard the news. It will be another infamous day that everyone will be able to recall exactly what they doing when they heard, just like when JFK was assasinated.</text>
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              <text>                September 11 

	On September 11 I was just waking up. I went down stairs to eat and my grandma was watching the news. I didn?t pay much attention to it. Once I got to school every one was talking about it. We watched it on the news when we were at school. I was talking to my friend about it. We all felt sad for the people on the plain  and there families. Then we herd that another plain had hit.  That was when they found out that it was a tourist attack.  It was so sad to have to watch that and think of what the people who had there loved ones on that plain. I don?t think that any one will forget that day. We will be telling our kids about it and they will be hirers about it in school too.  Now that a year has passed it is still sad to have to think about it and it is even worse to watch the shows on it.  Those innocent people on the plain that didn?t do anything. That is what I think of September 11.






































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              <text>I just picked up my best friend, we were to go shopping.  She told me the world trade center was bombed.  I didn't believe her, so I turned on the car radio and  was stunned with the news that a plane had crashed into one of the towers.  In the time it took us to get to the mall, another plane had crashed into the second tower.  I really belived the first was an accident, but the second really shocked me.

I can't remember what store we were in, but everyone was staring at the televisons.  I don't think we even shopped, we just left for home.  

I hadn't felt that sick since my daughter was murdered in 1994.  So helpless and speachless.  My friend is always more nervous and frightened by things than I am, so I just kept calm, so she wouldn't get upset.

It seems very strange, we still wanted to shop, but lost the "desire", and without saying anything we just knew we needed to go home.

The days following for me, where sad, but I didn't have any fears.  My faith in God and this country, and our government I guess helped me.  No matter how much we do to secure our families and our nation, if someone REALLY want's to hurt us, they will find a way.  So continue to  have faith that our leaders will do all that can be done to protect us.  I did as President Bush urged us to do - keep living my life to the best of my ability. Do the things I normally do.

I've since moved to Kansa, and feel safer than I did in Florida.  My husband and I are pursuing our dream - starting a vinyard/winery.



I

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